by Tyler James | May 16, 2025 | News, Satire
SWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife, Amanda, held up yet another leafy green stranger and announced, “Everyone say hi to Juniper!” It was the 86th time this year. Dave, who hasn’t...
by Tyler James | May 16, 2025 | News, Satire
In a move that perfectly embodies everything you feared after the election but told yourself to “wait and see,” the people you now deeply regret voting for held an emergency meeting today—not to fix potholes, homelessness, or anything remotely useful—but to invent...
by Tyler James | May 16, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
HOOD RIVER, OR — In what experts are calling the most emotionally devastating swipe in Oregon history, Bigfoot has officially joined Tinder with a bio so powerful it has women across the Pacific Northwest dumping their boyfriends mid-swipe. The bio in question?“I chop...
by Tyler James | May 15, 2025 | News, Satire
Springfield, OR — Residents were once again left clutching their pearls this week after hearing rumors about yet another offbeat strip club opening in their neighborhood — but this time, it’s not pregnant women causing a stir. It’s grandmothers. The new establishment,...
by Tyler James | May 15, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
NEWPORT, OR — Staff at the Goodwill Boutique on Cape & Donation Center are reportedly “deeply puzzled” by the steady stream of financially struggling people who keep showing up under the false assumption that this is a place for affordable clothing — rather than a...
by Tyler James | May 15, 2025 | News
BANDON, Ore. — The long-troubled West Coast Game Park Safari was raided Thursday morning by Oregon State Police in what animal advocates are calling a long-overdue reckoning. According to OSP, multiple search warrants were executed at the Bandon-based roadside zoo as...
by Tyler James | May 14, 2025 | News, Satire
EUGENE, OR — In a scene that has become all too familiar in the notoriously congested parking lot of Eugene's Costco, a local man was observed steadfastly waiting with his blinker on for a prime parking spot near the cart corral, despite the current occupant—a woman...
by Tyler James | May 14, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — In a landmark decision for aquatic rights, Oregon lawmakers have passed legislation requiring anglers to obtain verbal consent from fish before attempting to catch them. House Bill 4042, known officially as the “Hooked on Consent Act,” was signed into...
by Tyler James | May 14, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire
PORTLAND, OR — In a bold move to finally escape his parents' basement and experience the magic of paying $2,100 a month for 380 square feet of “industrial charm,” local man Kyle Dennison has successfully sold one of his kidneys to secure a studio apartment in...
by Tyler James | May 12, 2025 | Adventures
In the remote town of Spray, Oregon—population just a few hundred—something extraordinary has taken root along the banks of the John Day River. What was once a weathered old grain silo is now Ben’s Bar, a cozy riverside hideout that might just be the most unique new...
