In a truly heartwarming display of performative activism, Americans everywhere have suddenly discovered the WNBA is still a thing—and are now passionately pretending they’ve supported it this whole time. The newfound enthusiasm comes not from interest in basketball...
Florence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized statue of the infamous exploding whale on Tuesday—then promptly reduced it to flaming chunks with 20 cases of surplus dynamite. City...
SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire. Yes, seriously. Governor Tina Kotek recently announced another big idea to...
AUSTIN, TX — In a bold return to the golden age of moral panic and liver damage, the Texas House passed Senate Bill 3 late Wednesday night, banning all intoxicating THC products while reaffirming the state’s unwavering belief that the only righteous way to unwind is...
BANDON, OR — In a groundbreaking move that combines coastal charm with what some are calling “blatant disregard for gravity,” Oregon officials have approved construction of a fully off-grid Airbnb cabin perched directly atop Bandon’s iconic sea stack, Face Rock....
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference that left both geographers and Californians scratching their heads, President Donald Trump announced that his ambitious $175 billion “Golden Dome” missile defense system will encompass the entire United States — except for...
ORTLAND, OR — After a rare full night of uninterrupted sleep, local woman Dana Wexler reportedly opened her eyes Thursday morning to the sound of birds chirping, a soft breeze drifting through her window, and the soul-crushing realization that global collapse is, in...
BENTONVILLE, AR — In a somber press conference held just steps from the seasonal bin of half-melted phone chargers, Walmart executives issued a stark warning Monday: rising tariffs on Chinese imports may severely disrupt the company’s ability to stock products...
SALEM, Ore. — In a development no one saw coming—except maybe That Oregon Life itself—the popular Oregon-based satire and lifestyle site has officially been declared the most reliable news source in the state, after yet another one of its “clearly made-up” articles...
BEND, OR — In an effort to support Oregon’s most sacred mountaintop ritual — the spontaneous act of lifting one’s shirt dramatically at the summit — the U.S. Forest Service has unveiled newly designated Bra Drop Zones at popular hiking trails across the state. “These...
Bend, OR — The long-awaited legacy sequel Final Destination: Bloodlines is now terrifying audiences in theaters nationwide, reigniting a very specific trauma among 90s kids: the paralyzing fear of being pulverized by airborne lumber on the freewa “I haven’t driven...
Boring, Oregon – In a quiet act of denial witnessed by absolutely no one, 52-year-old Brian Cutler stood motionless over his laundry basket Monday afternoon, clutching a pair of severely compromised boxers he’s owned since the Bush administration. The boxers,...