Satire

Portland Leaders Float Plan To Convert ICE Building Into Airbnb With ‘Luxury Detention Suites’

PORTLAND, OR — City officials are floating a bold new proposal to convert Portland’s controversial Immigration and Customs Enforcement building into an Airbnb, touting it as a potential goldmine of “luxury detention suites” and ironic tourist appeal. Under the plan, the original barbed wire would...

Trump Sends Troops to Portland, Still No Word If Epstein Files Are Hidden in ICE Basement

PORTLAND, Ore. — In what officials are calling “Operation Basement Sweep,” President Trump doubled down on his commitment to locate the alleged Epstein files, personally insisting they are buried somewhere beneath Portland’s ICE facility. The same president who just months ago dismissed the...

Multnomah Falls Becomes First Pay-Per-View Waterfall as Oregon Finds New Way to Monetize Nature

If it feels like Oregon is charging you for the very air you breathe, that’s because they probably just haven’t figured out how to meter it yet. After the freshly announced $10 parking fee at Vista House, Oregon State Parks has unveiled its boldest plan yet: slapping a massive black curtain in...

Report: Some People Are Dying

In what experts are calling “technically not new, but still sort of a bummer,” reports are surfacing that some people, in fact, are dying. The revelation has stunned absolutely no one, yet continues to be treated as breaking news by local relatives who “can’t believe it happened,” despite the fact...

Eugene Federal Building Hosts Fall’s Most Exclusive Umbrella Fashion Week

EUGENE, Ore. — Fall fashion week found an unlikely stage Tuesday night as the Eugene Federal Building transformed into the runway for a daring new streetwear collection featuring oversized black umbrellas, tactical accents, and bold percussion on government-issued glass. Critics hailed the...
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