Faced with an unprecedented rise in crime, Portland’s City Council has taken decisive action—by officially decriminalizing all crime. In a unanimous vote on Tuesday night, officials opted to remove all criminal penalties from the books, arguing that traditional laws...
It’s happened again. Another “Top 10 Must-Visit Places in Oregon” article has hit the internet, and, in a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly predicted, Gresham has once again been left off the list. We’re not talking about some small, overlooked...
RURAL HIGHWAY, USA — In what experts are calling a “statistically impossible yet somehow inevitable event,” a local child has once again declared an urgent need to use the restroom precisely five minutes after the final available rest stop for 50 miles. Eyewitnesses...
In a move no one saw coming—yet somehow makes complete sense in the most Oregon way possible—state officials have confirmed that Haystack Rock is being relocated to Central Oregon, where it will be placed right next to Smith Rock. Cannon Beach residents, long...
EUGENE, OR — Local dad and self-proclaimed ‘grunge historian’ 43-year-old Mike Dawson spent the better part of Saturday afternoon explaining to his teenage son that Eugene was basically Seattle back in the early ‘90s. The two were at the local skate park, where Dawson...
Yet another Oregon town has been thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to Quaint Living Weekly, a prestigious, possibly AI-generated publication that, despite its apparent influence, no one has actually seen in print. According to the magazine, [Insert Oregon...
So, you’ve found yourself in Oregon, the land of towering evergreens, infinite Columbia Sportswear jackets, and an IPA selection that makes most 5-star Michelin restaurant wine lists look concise. There’s just one problem: you hate IPA’s. Maybe it’s the aggressive...
You know you’ve gained 20 pounds in the last six months. Between your elite-level Netflix binging, late-night DoorDash orders, and a dedicated commitment to avoiding anything remotely strenuous, your body has fully adapted to a sedentary lifestyle. Deep down, you know...
SALEM, OR — After years of speculation, confusion, and outright apathy, state officials have finally confirmed what many Oregonians have long suspected: Salem has a Capitol building, and that’s pretty much it. The announcement came during a press conference held in...
SALEM, OR — A new study has confirmed what every frustrated driver on I-5 already suspected: for many Oregonians, the left lane isn’t a place for efficient travel—it’s a sacred space for deep personal reflection at exactly three miles under the speed limit. According...
BEND, OR — A crisis of unprecedented proportions has rocked Central Oregon this week, as Bend’s last remaining Subaru dealership officially ran out of forest green Outbacks, sending thousands of residents into a full-blown identity spiral. For years, Bend locals have...
It was a typical cloudy morning at a gas station just off I-5 in Salem, but for one Oregonian, it would become the scene of an epic rescue she’d never forget. Emily Thompson, a lifelong Portland resident and Prius driver, stood frozen in front of the gas pump, her...