News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Portland on Edge as Smooth-Skinned Weirdo Without Tattoos Walks Into Powell’s

PORTLAND, OR — Tension rippled through Powell’s City of Books on Tuesday after a smooth-skinned weirdo with no visible tattoos and—more disturbingly—no bumper stickers on his car was seen casually walking into the store. Witnesses say the man, described by one employee as having “the unsettling...

Wildfire Erupts Near Rowena Crest, Level 3 Evacuations Ordered

ROWENA, Ore. — A fast-moving wildfire erupted Wednesday afternoon near the iconic Rowena Crest viewpoint in the Columbia River Gorge, forcing urgent Level 3 “Go Now” evacuations in the area. The Wasco County Sheriff’s Office reported the fire shortly after 1:30 p.m., burning dangerously close to...

Officials Urge Rioters to Stretch Before Peacefully Yeeting Bricks for Injury Prevention

PORTLAND, OR — In anticipation of this weekend’s peaceful protest that definitely won’t involve any windows mysteriously shattering themselves, city health officials have released a helpful reminder to all would-be demonstrators: “Don’t forget to stretch before yeeting.” “Too many young activists...

Local Woman Sips Warm White Claw, Finds Peace After Watching Flip-Flop Drift Off Into the Current

OREGON — It was supposed to be just another day of lazy tubing, questionable sunscreen application, and aggressively warm seltzers. But for one local woman, the universe had something deeper in store — a reckoning of the soul, delivered via footwear. Kayla Dunham, 31, was spotted laid out...

Dutch Bros Moves Out of Oregon, Says It’s Part of Growth Strategy

GRANTS PASS, Ore. — One of Oregon’s most iconic brands is making a big move—but says it’s not turning its back on the Beaver State. Dutch Bros, the wildly popular coffee chain that got its start as a humble pushcart in Grants Pass in 1992, announced this week that it’s officially relocating its...
Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

Man Stares Blankly as Wife Introduces 86th Plant This Year

SWEET HOME, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that local husband Dave Ellsworth stood motionless and dead-eyed as his wife, Amanda, held up yet another leafy green stranger and announced, “Everyone say hi to Juniper!” It was the 86th time this year. Dave, who hasn’t...

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