News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

10 Out of 10 Oregon Hikers Admit Trail Was ‘Just Okay’ Until the Edibles Kicked In

“At first it was just trees. Then it was THE trees.” OREGON CASCADES — A groundbreaking new study from the Pacific Northwest Institute of Vibes has revealed what most Oregon hikers already know in their hearts: hiking is pretty mid until the edibles hit. According to the report, hikers surveyed...

BREAKING: Portland Resident Offended by This Headline and Also the Word ‘Resident’

PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in a local community Slack channel today after a Portland man reportedly became deeply offended by the headline of an article that hadn’t even been written yet. Sources confirm that 32-year-old River Moss-Fernwood (they/them), who identifies as post-geographic and...

UnitedHealthcare Announces Bold New Plan To Cover Nothing

MINNETONKA, MN — In a daring move sure to disrupt the healthcare industry, UnitedHealthcare unveiled its most ambitious policy overhaul yet: a bold new plan to cover absolutely nothing. “We’ve listened to our customers,” said CEO Clive E. Denial, during a press conference held in a padded room...

Heavenly Gates Swing Open After Val Kilmer Whispers “I’m Your Huckleberry” to the Intercom

In a moment theologians are already calling “the chillest entrance into the afterlife on record,” actor Val Kilmer ascended to Heaven yesterday and gained immediate entry by softly uttering his iconic Tombstone line — “I’m your huckleberry” — into a slightly outdated intercom system bolted to the...

Middle-Aged Man Confident He ‘Still Got It’ While Mouthing Entire Limp Bizkit Verse at Red Light

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Sources confirmed Wednesday that 43-year-old Tyler Blevins, divorced father of three and assistant manager at the Eugene AutoZone, radiated unshakable confidence while mouthing the entire second verse of Limp Bizkit’s “Re-Arranged” during his morning commute through downtown...
Dead Humpback Whale Washes Ashore on Oregon Coast

Dead Humpback Whale Washes Ashore on Oregon Coast

Officials are urging the public to avoid a stretch of the north Oregon coast after a dead humpback whale washed ashore Monday morning in Nehalem Bay State Park, just south of Manzanita. The 33-foot-long male whale came on shore about a mile north of the north Nehalem...

13th Oregon County Approves ‘Greater Idaho’ Measure

13th Oregon County Approves ‘Greater Idaho’ Measure

Diverging perspectives on crime and social policies create a rift between urban and rural populations. The secession proposal aims to move Oregon's eastern boundary 200 miles to the west. Crook County voters approved the measure with 53% in favor. Residents of Crook...

Young Woman Dies After Falling from Cliff in Columbia River Gorge

Young Woman Dies After Falling from Cliff in Columbia River Gorge

A young woman lost her life after a tragic fall from a cliff while hiking in the Columbia River Gorge in Oregon, authorities reported on Monday. The incident occurred near Horsetail Falls, located approximately 35 miles east of Portland. On Sunday, the woman, hiking...

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