Look, I know we’re all supposed to be “maturing” as a city or “de-escalating tactics” or whatever Mayor-Of-The-Month is tweeting now, but I’m starting to feel like Portland’s really lost its spark—literally. I walked downtown yesterday and didn’t see a single dumpster...
News
Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.
15 Years After Kyron Horman’s Disappearance, New District Attorney Is Committed To Finding Answers
June 4, 2025, marks the 15th anniversary of the disappearance of Kyron Horman, a 7-year-old boy who vanished from Skyline Elementary School in Northwest Portland, Oregon. Despite extensive investigations, no trace of Kyron has ever been found. Now, Multnomah County's...
Portland Storefronts Debut Floral Plywood Collection Just in Time for Riot Season
PORTLAND, OR — As summer 2025 looms and the city braces for another round of protests, drum circles, and Instagram activism, Portland businesses are staying ahead of the chaos with this year’s hottest trend: custom floral plywood. Sprouting across downtown like a...
First American Pope Wears Cowboy Hat
VATICAN CITY — In a historic and deeply confusing moment for the Catholic Church, newly appointed Pope Robert I — the first American pope in history — made his debut Wednesday morning atop the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica wearing a beige cowboy hat and a soft...
India-Pakistan Conflict Accidently Solves America’s Spam Call Epidemic
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As tensions between India and Pakistan escalated into open conflict this week, something miraculous happened in the United States: millions of Americans experienced their first peaceful morning without a single scam call about their car’s extended...
Pacific Power: “We Understand You’re Struggling—That’s Why We’re Raising Rates Again”
SALEM, OR — In a heartfelt press release delivered with the emotional depth of a dropped toaster, Pacific Power announced its latest rate increase this week, citing "deep empathy" for the financial hardship many Oregonians are facing. “We know times are tough,” said...
Missing Eugene Cat Allegedly Just Blazed Out of His Mind at the Neighbors’ Place
EUGENE, OR — A frantic search for a local feline came to a mellow conclusion Thursday afternoon after “Mittens,” a 3-year-old tabby, was located at a nearby house party, absolutely blitzed and sprawled across a bean bag chair in a dense fog of incense and weed smoke....
Officials Seek Public’s Help After Elephant Seal Pup Brutally Stabbed on Oregon Coast
In a disturbing and heartbreaking incident, a young elephant seal pup was found stabbed multiple times on the beach in Neskowin, Oregon—and officials are asking for the public’s help to track down the person responsible. According to NOAA’s Office of Law Enforcement,...
Trump to Reopen Toys “R” Us as Maximum Security Prison for “Really Bad Kids”
BEDMINSTER, NJ — In a bold move to “bring back law, order, and Geoffrey the Giraffe,” former President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he will personally oversee the reopening of defunct toy store chain Toys “R” Us — this time as a maximum security prison...
This Oregon Coast Beach Was Ranked the Best Spot to Watch a Seagull Steal a Burrito From a Toddler
CANNON BEACH, OR — In a move that shocked no one familiar with Oregon’s coastal crime wave of airborne kleptomaniacs, Cannon Beach has officially been ranked the most scenic location to witness a seagull violently rob a child of a full-size burrito in broad daylight....
Bend Man Completes Full Conversation Without Mentioning He Mountain Bikes
BEND, OR — In what experts are calling a “statistical anomaly” and “spiritual awakening,” local resident Tyler Hensley reportedly completed an entire five-minute conversation on Friday without once mentioning that he mountain bikes. The exchange took place at a local...
Oregon Drivers Celebrate Sunshine by Staring at Men Wearing Neon Vests Holding Stop Signs
PORTLAND, OR — As the skies clear and temperatures begin to climb, Oregonians are once again flocking to their favorite summer destination: the driver’s seat of a stationary vehicle, parked on a half-paved road, silently observing a group of neon-clad men holding STOP...