News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Existential Dread Peaks as Woman Realizes It’s Time to Go to Walmart Again

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Local woman Kelly Harmon was reportedly enjoying a quiet Saturday morning, sipping coffee and pretending she didn’t have responsibilities, when a chill ran down her spine. “It hit me all at once,” she said, staring into the void. “We’re out of everything. And the only place open...

Couple Plans Romantic Friday Night Watching the World Burn with a Bottle of Pinot and a Cheese Platter

PORTLAND, OR — While many couples might opt for a candlelit dinner or a rom-com, local partners Jesse and Rowan have found a more thrilling way to spend quality time together: watching chaos unfold in real-time from the comfort of their couch. “We wanted something a little more us,” said Jesse,...

Man Fondly Recalls Childhood Road Trips When Mom Turned the Nissan Into a Marlboro Sauna

SALEM, OR — Nostalgia hit hard this week for 42-year-old Brent Halverson, who fondly remembered a simpler time when seatbelts were optional, ashtrays were full, and his mother hotboxed a two-door Nissan Sentra like she was training for a Marlboro Light 100s endurance event. “We didn’t have iPads...

Protesters Try to Burn Down Portland ICE Facility as Police Reaffirm They Won’t Assist Feds

Another Portland protest turned dangerous Wednesday night after demonstrators attempted to set fire to the federal ICE building in South Portland. According to Portland Police, the incident escalated just before 10 p.m. when officers observed a man stacking flammable materials against the exterior...

Portland on Edge as Smooth-Skinned Weirdo Without Tattoos Walks Into Powell’s

PORTLAND, OR — Tension rippled through Powell’s City of Books on Tuesday after a smooth-skinned weirdo with no visible tattoos and—more disturbingly—no bumper stickers on his car was seen casually walking into the store. Witnesses say the man, described by one employee as having “the unsettling...
Cat’s Patience Wearing Thin as Litter Box Remains Uncleaned

Cat’s Patience Wearing Thin as Litter Box Remains Uncleaned

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Local feline resident and self-proclaimed ruler of the household, Mr. Whiskers, is reportedly reaching his breaking point over the state of his litter box. Sources close to the cat say his patience is wearing thin as his human, Becky Thompson,...

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