News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Man Downtown Portland Waving Machete Could Use a Hug

A man in downtown Portland, spotted waving a machete in the air and passionately arguing with a lamppost, appears to be in dire need of a hug, according to multiple witnesses who observed the situation with a mix of concern and understanding. "He wasn't really threatening anyone," said local...

Scientists Confirm Oregon Is the Worst Place on Earth in February

A groundbreaking study from the University of Oregon has confirmed what longtime residents have long suspected: Oregon is officially the worst place on Earth to exist during the month of February. “It’s essentially like living inside a wet sock,” said Dr. Philip Malweather, a local meteorologist...

SAD-Stricken Oregonians Seen Photosynthesizing in Public at First Glimpse of Sun

PORTLAND, OR – As Oregon remains firmly locked in its annual five-month-long “Gray Gloom Death Spiral,” residents are reporting extreme cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), with some even exhibiting plant-like behaviors in desperate attempts to absorb any available light. Eyewitnesses claim...

Corey Feldman’s Music in “Goonies 2” to Be Used as a Torture Device for the Bad Guys

In a bold and completely baffling creative decision, the producers of Goonies 2 have announced that the film’s soundtrack will be composed entirely of Corey Feldman’s music. But rather than being used to enhance the adventure and nostalgia of the long-awaited sequel, Feldman’s songs will serve a...

Experts Pretty Sure It’s the End Times, But Scientists Insist It’s Actually Just a Tuesday

WORLDWIDE — As mysterious new viruses, natural disasters, and general chaos unfold across the globe, leading experts have announced that they are “fairly certain” this is the beginning of the End Times. Meanwhile, scientists remain adamant that it’s just another Tuesday. “We’re seeing all the...
Oregon Under Statewide Smog and Smoke Advisories

Oregon Under Statewide Smog and Smoke Advisories

As reported by the Oregon Capital Chronicle, smoke and smog are severely impacting much of Oregon's air quality, state officials announced on Wednesday. By mid-day, the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality (DEQ) had issued an air advisory for 20 of Oregon’s 36...

Oregon’s Wildfires Are the Top Priority in the Nation

Oregon’s Wildfires Are the Top Priority in the Nation

With 38 significant, uncontrolled wildfires raging across 838,908 acres in Oregon and Washington, the Northwest region has become the highest firefighting priority in the United States. Oregon bears the brunt of this devastation, with 91.5% of the total burning...

Portland Mayor Declares State of Emergency Amid Global IT Outage

Portland Mayor Declares State of Emergency Amid Global IT Outage

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler declared a state of emergency on Friday morning due to a global IT outage that has significantly impacted airlines, hospitals, and other services. The chaos originated from a flawed software update by CrowdStrike, a cybersecurity company...

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