News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Oregon Named Best State To Raise A Little Free-Range Anarchist With A Trust Fund

PORTLAND, OR — In news that surprised absolutely no one and disappointed absolutely everyone’s grandparents, Oregon has officially been named the best state to raise a little free-range anarchist with a trust fund. The groundbreaking report, issued by the National Institute for Highly Specific...

Prineville Proudly Becomes First Sanctuary City for Straight White Men

PRINEVILLE, OR — In a historic move celebrated by men who still know how to change a tire, Prineville has officially declared itself the first Sanctuary City for Straight White Men in Oregon — and maybe the last safe place left west of Idaho. The resolution, passed unanimously on April 24, comes...

80s Babies Rejoice As ‘From A Hose’ Bottled Water Finally Hits Store Shelves

U.S. — In a move hailed as “the greatest beverage innovation since Tang,” Crystal Stream announced today the release of their new limited-edition bottled water flavor, “From A Hose,” sending shockwaves of nostalgia through millions of Americans born in the 1980s. The product promises to deliver...

Parents Announce Baby Was Born Seed Oil-Free, Plan to Raise Him on Rainwater and Beef Tallow

PORTLAND, OR — In what health experts are calling "a medical miracle and/or a Facebook group fever dream," new parents Chad and Sage Turner of Forest Grove proudly announced that their newborn son, Braven, entered the world completely free of seed oils — a triumph they say was made possible...

New Study Finds 100% of Deer Crossing Roads Really Could Give a Crap Less

UNITED STATES — A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what drivers have long suspected: when it comes to crossing roads, 100% of deer really could give a crap less. Researchers at Oregon State University spent six months observing deer behavior on highways, backroads, and suburban streets...
Car Pulled from Columbia River Could Solve 1958 Oregon Family Mystery

Car Pulled from Columbia River Could Solve 1958 Oregon Family Mystery

A decades-old mystery may finally be on the brink of resolution. The Hood River County Sheriff’s Office is set to recover a vehicle from the Columbia River near Cascade Locks, a car that could be linked to one of Oregon’s most haunting cold cases—the disappearance of...

Coast Guard Saves Person Trapped in Car in McKenzie River

Coast Guard Saves Person Trapped in Car in McKenzie River

A dramatic rescue unfolded Wednesday night when emergency responders worked together to save a person trapped inside a vehicle submerged in the McKenzie River. The U.S. Coast Guard, alongside Eugene Springfield Fire, successfully executed the operation, preventing...

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