OREGON – In a shocking turn of events that happens literally every single year, Oregonians have once again been caught completely off guard by the arrival of snow. Despite meteorologists warning of an incoming winter storm for a week, the state collectively gasped in...
Hiking in Oregon just got a whole lot more exclusive. Following in the footsteps of every streaming service, gym membership, and software company, Oregon State Parks have unveiled a brand-new subscription model for accessing public trails, scenic viewpoints,...
In a stunning turn of events, the Greater Idaho movement has thrown out its old map, crumpled it into a wad of regret, and decided to annex the entire state of Oregon—except Portland, which they claim is “too far gone” to save. “We realized we were thinking way too...
Boring, Oregon — In what experts are calling an unprecedented failure of logic and reason, a local man in Boring, Oregon, was left completely stunned after his lengthy, all-caps social media rant failed to immediately convince a stranger to change their entire...
Faced with an unprecedented rise in crime, Portland’s City Council has taken decisive action—by officially decriminalizing all crime. In a unanimous vote on Tuesday night, officials opted to remove all criminal penalties from the books, arguing that traditional laws...
It’s happened again. Another “Top 10 Must-Visit Places in Oregon” article has hit the internet, and, in a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly predicted, Gresham has once again been left off the list. We’re not talking about some small, overlooked...
RURAL HIGHWAY, USA — In what experts are calling a “statistically impossible yet somehow inevitable event,” a local child has once again declared an urgent need to use the restroom precisely five minutes after the final available rest stop for 50 miles. Eyewitnesses...
In a move no one saw coming—yet somehow makes complete sense in the most Oregon way possible—state officials have confirmed that Haystack Rock is being relocated to Central Oregon, where it will be placed right next to Smith Rock. Cannon Beach residents, long...
EUGENE, OR — Local dad and self-proclaimed ‘grunge historian’ 43-year-old Mike Dawson spent the better part of Saturday afternoon explaining to his teenage son that Eugene was basically Seattle back in the early ‘90s. The two were at the local skate park, where Dawson...
Yet another Oregon town has been thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to Quaint Living Weekly, a prestigious, possibly AI-generated publication that, despite its apparent influence, no one has actually seen in print. According to the magazine, [Insert Oregon...
So, you’ve found yourself in Oregon, the land of towering evergreens, infinite Columbia Sportswear jackets, and an IPA selection that makes most 5-star Michelin restaurant wine lists look concise. There’s just one problem: you hate IPA’s. Maybe it’s the aggressive...
You know you’ve gained 20 pounds in the last six months. Between your elite-level Netflix binging, late-night DoorDash orders, and a dedicated commitment to avoiding anything remotely strenuous, your body has fully adapted to a sedentary lifestyle. Deep down, you know...