In what’s being dubbed “the most expensive two words ever spoken,” a local man has launched a GoFundMe after making the rookie mistake of telling his wife to “calm down” during a heated discussion about reorganizing the pantry. “It just slipped out,” the man, now...
In a nationwide study that absolutely no one asked for, Eugene, Oregon, has taken home the prestigious title of “Most Likely to Smell Like Weed Before 9 AM.” The study, conducted by the National Scent Awareness Coalition (NSAC), found that 87% of residents and...
PORTLAND, Ore. — In what might be the most Portland thing ever, local resident and proud Tesla owner Trevor Greenfield made headlines on Saturday after momentarily driving his $60,000 Tesla Model 3 to the "Tesla Takedown" protest outside a Portland dealership—only to...
After a grueling 12-hour road trip filled with endless stretches of highway and way too many gas station hot dogs, Mark and Susan Reynolds were looking forward to a peaceful night’s rest. What they didn’t expect was a “charming vintage experience” that would transport...
Newport, Oregon— Local police have proudly unveiled what they believe to be groundbreaking security footage in their ongoing investigation of a robbery suspect. The image, which has been described as "state-of-the-art" by Officer Daniels, features a vaguely...
In a shocking turn of caffeinated events, local woman Claire Thompson found herself reevaluating her entire romantic history after a first date that featured a French press. What began as an ordinary evening with Kyle Hastings, a 32-year-old marketing consultant and...
In a scene that has become a winter tradition in Portland, local resident Trevor Whitaker set out in his car this morning with unshakable confidence and a can-do attitude, despite a forecast that screamed, "Stay home!" Like many of his fellow Portlanders, Trevor...
CRATER LAKE, OR — A couple visiting from out of state returned home Sunday after an "utterly underwhelming" trip to Crater Lake. Inspired by a Facebook post claiming Crater Lake was home to a stunning waterfall cascading into a glowing sapphire pool, surrounded by...
In what’s being described as a growing epidemic, local authorities have issued a warning about an alarming spike in community-wide addiction—this time, not from the usual suspects, but from a shadowy network of pint-sized pushers peddling a dangerous product known...
Tailgating on icy roads doesn’t end well. Just ask the guy who passed you five minutes ago. The Road to Instant Karma—In a poetic twist of fate that would make even the grumpiest Oregonian crack a smile, a local truck enthusiast learned a valuable life lesson during...
Eugene, OR—Local resident Dave Mulligan is eagerly counting down the days until spring, despite the fact that his immune system has already raised the white flag. “I just love warmer weather,” Dave said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and sinus congestion from last...
Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left both critics and supporters scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has declared the first Monday of every June as National 'Bring Your Wife to Work So She Can Cook' Day. The announcement was made during a press...