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Oregon Officials Review Latest Data, Troubled To Find Some Residents Still Making Ends Meet
SALEM, Ore. — Oregon officials reportedly called an emergency meeting this week after reviewing the latest cost-of-living data and discovering a troubling trend: a small number of residents may still have money left after paying their…
Ron Wyden Announces Bold New Wildfire Plan: ‘Fine, I’ll Do It Myself’
With Oregon firefighters reportedly operating with roughly half the staffing and resources they need during a record-setting wildfire season, U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden has apparently decided there is only one reasonable solution left. He’s going in.…
19 Reasons You Should Definitely Move To Oregon (Satire)
Thinking about moving to Oregon? Excellent decision. Ignore the rain, housing prices, wildfire smoke, traffic, taxes, and enormous earthquake fault lurking offshore. Those aren't problems. They're amenities. Here are 19 reasons you should absolutely pack up…
Lloyd Center Celebrates Final Day With One Last Attempted Robbery
PORTLAND, Ore. — After decades of shopping, ice skating, awkward teenage hangouts and wondering whether the mall was actually still open, Lloyd Center is reportedly marking its final day in the most Portland way possible: with…
Oregon Fondly Recalls When The Most Divisive Issue In The State Was Ducks Vs. Beavers
There was a time in Oregon when the surest way to start an argument was to ask one simple question: Ducks or Beavers? Families were divided. Friend groups picked sides. Entire Saturdays in the fall revolved…
Portlanders Devastated by Lloyd Center Closing After Spending 15 Years Not Going There
PORTLAND, Ore. — A wave of grief swept across Portland Friday after thousands of residents received the shocking news that Lloyd Center is closing and, perhaps even more shockingly, learned that Lloyd Center had apparently still…
Federal Government Sends Emergency Porta-Potties To Hardest-Hit Taco Bell Locations
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling "the largest gastrointestinal emergency response in American history," the federal government announced Tuesday it has begun deploying thousands of emergency porta-potties to Taco Bell restaurants experiencing catastrophic restroom…