Humor

Man Fishing for Dinner Horrified After Reeling In Screaming Vegetarian Karen

EAGLE CREEK, OR — A peaceful day of fishing took a harrowing turn for local man Doug Harper after he accidentally reeled in a screaming woman identified only as Karen, who immediately began berating him for “murdering aquatic citizens” and “violating the lake’s safe space.” “I thought I had a nice...

Oregon Hosts First Hunger Games in the Nation Featuring Riots, Wildfires and Future Lockdowns

SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to bring communities together through coordinated chaos, the state of Oregon has officially launched the nation’s first Hunger Games, complete with blazing wildfires, spontaneous riots, and a rotating schedule of statewide lockdowns. Organizers say the event...

Mom Suspects Her Sweet Growing Boy Who Ate Entire Grocery Haul at 11PM May Be on the Marijuanas

SPRINGFIELD, OR — After discovering that her entire week’s worth of groceries had mysteriously vanished in the dead of night, local mom Karen Delaney is beginning to suspect that her “sweet growing boy” may, in fact, be on the marijuanas. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions,” said Karen, standing...

Netflix Doc About Woman Being Brutally Murdered in the Woods Helps Woman Regain Perspective on Mildly Crappy Life

BEND, OR — Letting out a long, cathartic exhale as blood-curdling screams echoed softly through her living room speakers, 36-year-old Shannon Marks reportedly felt a wave of emotional clarity Tuesday evening after watching a Netflix documentary about a woman who was brutally murdered in the woods....

Existential Dread Peaks as Woman Realizes It’s Time to Go to Walmart Again

SPRINGFIELD, OR — Local woman Kelly Harmon was reportedly enjoying a quiet Saturday morning, sipping coffee and pretending she didn’t have responsibilities, when a chill ran down her spine. “It hit me all at once,” she said, staring into the void. “We’re out of everything. And the only place open...
Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire. Yes, seriously. Governor Tina Kotek recently announced another big idea to...

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