PRINEVILLE, OR — Tension gripped the corner booth at Rusty’s Tap & Grill Thursday evening as a group of lifelong drinking companions reportedly struggled to come to terms with local grandfather Walt Peterson’s brand-new man bun.
The 76-year-old, known for his steadfast loyalty to Coors Light and wearing the same red flannel since 1993, stunned his bar buddies when he walked in sporting a neatly tied silver knot at the back of his head.
“I’ll be honest, it rattled me,” said best friend and fellow retiree Gary “Stubby” Lawson, who has been splitting pitchers with Peterson every Thursday for nearly four decades. “The man used to complain about teenagers with skinny jeans. Now he’s one elastic band away from buying incense at Whole Foods.”
Eyewitnesses say the table immediately fell silent, with one member of the crew nervously stirring his chili while another asked if Walt “was still the same guy who once got banned from the county fair for shotgunning four PBRs in a row.”
According to sources, Peterson tried to downplay the bun, insisting it was “just practical” for keeping his long hair out of his eyes during woodshop projects. However, his explanation faltered when he admitted he had also Googled “best yoga mats for seniors” earlier in the week.
“He claims it’s about woodworking, but I saw him order an IPA with grapefruit notes,” said longtime pal Mike Dunham. “That’s not the Walt I know. Next thing you know, he’ll be drinking oat milk and calling us ‘brothers on a spiritual journey.’”
Despite the skepticism, the group eventually raised a toast to “Walt’s brave new hair choices,” though insiders confirm several members quietly agreed to monitor him for additional signs of hipster infiltration, such as getting a nose ring, buying artisanal beard balm, or renaming poker night “men’s circle.”
At press time, Peterson was seen adjusting his bun while suggesting the gang try out a “neat little craft cider spot” downtown, causing two drinking buddies to immediately head for the jukebox and blast Lynyrd Skynyrd as a desperate grounding ritual.
