Mayor Says Community Would Benefit From A Much Bigger Dick’s

by | Mar 4, 2026 | News, Satire

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EUGENE, OREGON — City leaders say they’re exploring plans to bring a much bigger Dick’s to the area, a move they believe could boost local morale and finally give residents the kind of Dick’s they’ve been asking for.

Speaking at a press conference Tuesday, the mayor explained that while the current Dick’s locations in surrounding cities have been popular, many residents feel the community deserves something larger and more impressive.

“People around here have been saying for years they want the bigger Dick’s,” the mayor said. “And frankly, I agree. A lot of folks feel the current options are just… a little small.”

According to early development plans, the proposed Dick’s would be significantly larger than typical locations, with expanded departments and plenty of room for locals to come in, browse around, and spend as much time as they want.

City planners say the key challenge will be finding the right place to put it.

“You can’t just stick a big Dick’s anywhere,” one planning official explained. “You need enough room, good access, and a location the whole community can enjoy.”

Some residents have already expressed excitement about the possibility.

“I’ve been to a couple Dick’s in other cities,” said one local shopper. “And let me tell you, the bigger ones are just way better. You walk in and immediately notice the difference.”

Economic analysts also say a larger Dick’s could stimulate activity throughout the area.

“When a big Dick’s comes into town, people notice,” one consultant said. “Visitors travel from all over just to check it out. It really brings people together.”

For now, officials say the project is still in the early stages, but the mayor made it clear the city is serious about the idea.

“Our community deserves a big Dick’s,” the mayor said. “And we’re going to do everything we can to make sure we get one.”


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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