EAGLE CREEK, OR — A peaceful day of fishing took a harrowing turn for local man Doug Harper after he accidentally reeled in a screaming woman identified only as Karen, who immediately began berating him for “murdering aquatic citizens” and “violating the lake’s safe space.”
“I thought I had a nice rainbow trout on the line,” said Harper, still visibly shaken. “But then she broke the surface like a furious mermaid and started yelling about lentils.”
According to bystanders, Karen had been “free-swimming for justice” after spotting Harper casting his line. Witnesses say she launched herself into the water moments earlier to “emotionally connect with the trout population” and was inadvertently hooked by Harper’s barbless rig.
“She just popped out of the water screaming about omega-3s and ethical kelp farming,” said Harper. “I was using PowerBait. I don’t even think that’s allowed in her food pyramid.”
The confrontation escalated rapidly, with Karen yelling that fish “have feelings too,” and demanding Harper release “all his future catches and apologize to the lake.” She then threatened to report him to the “Department of Aquatic Peacekeeping” and briefly attempted to tie herself to his tackle box in protest.
Harper, who claims he was only fishing to avoid a trip to Safeway, said he’s considering switching to gardening instead. “At least zucchini don’t scream at you,” he muttered.
Park officials confirmed this is the third such incident this summer involving emotionally charged vegetarians and innocent fishermen, warning locals that Karen migration season appears to have started early this year.
“Please be respectful and keep your bait below decibel level,” said Ranger Ted Moss. “And whatever you do — don’t make eye contact.”
