Roseburg, OR — In a heartbreaking but entirely predictable development, local Roseburg man Tyler McMannis reportedly spent yet another weekend wandering Oregon’s scenic trails, clinging desperately to his Canon EOS camera like it wasn’t already over for him.
Witnesses spotted McMannis near the North Umpqua Trail early Sunday morning, staring blankly at a dirt path and snapping a series of blurry, underexposed photos that sources confirmed “looked like they were taken by someone who’s never actually seen a camera before."
“I think he thought he captured something deep,” said fellow hiker Amanda Ridgeway, who witnessed McMannis spend fifteen full minutes photographing a mossy rock that “pretty much looked like every other rock.” “Honestly, it was kind of sad. He crouched down and whispered ‘this one’s the one’ like he was unlocking some ancient artistic code. It wasn’t.”
Friends and family members have reportedly staged multiple interventions over the years, softly suggesting McMannis maybe find a hobby he’s less catastrophically bad at, such as knitting, metal detecting, or simply staring quietly into space.
“He’s a good guy, but it’s time to stop pretending,” said his sister Melanie. “At some point you have to admit the blurry dirt photos aren't ‘soulful,’ they’re just blurry dirt photos.”
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Despite the complete lack of demand, McMannis allegedly plans to “launch a photography business soon” and has already created an Instagram account (@lost_in_pnw) where he bravely posts his work to absolutely no one. As of press time, his latest photo of a vaguely brown smudge had racked up an astonishing 0 likes and 0 comments.
Locals say they’re bracing for the inevitable GoFundMe campaign to “support his art journey,” which they plan to quietly ignore.
