PORTLAND, OR – Walmart has unveiled a bold new experiment in Portland, testing out cutting-edge AI-powered technology designed to combat a growing problem: tweakers. The store’s automatic doors are now equipped with advanced artificial intelligence that can detect classic signs of meth-fueled antics—and if it senses trouble, those doors stay shut.
How Does It Work?
This high-tech system uses AI to analyze customers in real-time, scanning for key indicators of tweaker behavior before granting access. The AI looks for:
✔ Rapid, jerky head movements (commonly known as “the rubberneck”)
✔ Eyes so wide they could double as headlights
✔ A distinctive aroma—a telltale sign of multiple sleepless nights and a long-term aversion to soap
So far, the doors have stopped several individuals in their tracks, leaving them pacing outside like confused raccoons trying to solve a puzzle.
Firsthand Experience
Local resident and distressed tweaker, Carl Long, was one of the first to encounter Walmart’s new security upgrade.
"I walked up, and the doors wouldn’t open. Thought maybe the place was closed," said Long. "Then this working man in a suit just strolls in, no problem. So I try again, and—nothing. That’s when I knew… the AI figured out I’m a tweaker.”
Do you love Oregon?
Sign up for monthly emails full of local travel inspiration and fun trip ideas. In each newsletter we'll share upcoming events, new things to do, hot dining spots and great travel ideas.
Long later attempted entry through the garden center but was, once again, denied.
New Shopping Rules for Tweakers
While Walmart insists that tweakers are not banned, they will now have to:
✅ Use the manual doors
✅ Shop exclusively between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m.
✅ Do their best to appear less like an extra from "The Walking Dead"
"It just makes sense," said a Walmart spokesperson. "That’s when they’re here anyway.”
What’s Next?
Tweakers are still permitted to shop at Walmart, only they are forced to use the manual doors and can only shop between 1am and 4am. According to Walmart, the new strict schedule is perfect, as tweakers are the only ones in the store at this time. This way, other shoppers won't have to be subjected to zombie like meth users scaring children, and stealing random items.
While Walmart declined an interview with That Oregon Life, a Walmart spokesperson did tell us they are simply fed up with tweakers, and are very excited about the new technology.
Portland is the first test location for this AI-powered anti-tweaker technology, but if successful, Walmart plans to roll it out to stores across the United States. Future upgrades may include self-checkout machines that refuse transactions if a customer is purchasing nothing but spray paint and Sudafed, or shopping cart sensors that issue an alert when someone tries to load one up with 37 boxes of Little Debbie snacks and a single sock.
One thing’s for sure—Walmart has drawn a line in the sand. And if that line mysteriously disappears, well… we all know who took it.
