PORTLAND, OR — In a shocking roadside event that eyewitnesses are describing as “equal parts beautiful and deeply upsetting,” a vintage RV parked outside a shuttered Hollywood Video reportedly gave birth to a fully grown, lifted pickup truck Tuesday afternoon.
“I just came out of Plaid Pantry with a corn dog and a Red Bull, and boom — the RV started shaking and making this guttural metallic groaning noise,” said bystander Marcus Weller, still visibly traumatized. “Next thing I know, a whole-ass Chevy Silverado starts crowning out the back like a giant mechanical womb.”
The RV, a faded beige 1983 Winnebago with a rust stripe and two flat tires, reportedly shuddered violently before emitting a deep, echoing honk that witnesses described as “both majestic and kind of wet.” Moments later, the rear wall split open, revealing the back half of a black pickup truck covered in mysterious oil-based fluids and what appeared to be Mountain Dew Baja Blast.
“It’s a miracle,” whispered local tweaker-philosopher Sunbeam, who had been living under the RV for three days. “I told y’all she was pregnant. I could feel it kickin’ every time I hotwired the generator.”
Authorities arrived shortly after the “birthing” to secure the scene, but not before several onlookers attempted to cut the umbilical extension cord to claim the truck as their own.
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“We’re not sure what we’re looking at here,” said Officer Dana Krill of the Portland Vehicle Anomalies Task Force. “Biologically speaking, it makes no sense. Mechanically speaking, it makes even less. Legally, we’re trying to figure out if it counts as a VIN or a sin.”
A makeshift shrine of Monster Energy cans and spare lug nuts has already formed at the scene, with several locals leaving offerings and vape clouds in tribute. A small group of spiritualists arrived moments later to declare the vehicle a “transdimensional birth vessel” and asked if anyone had seen the placenta, which reportedly rolled into a storm drain.
At press time, the RV was reported to be “resting comfortably,” while the newborn truck had already been ticketed for expired plates and illegal parking.
