PORTLAND, Ore. — In what might be the most Portland thing ever, local resident and proud Tesla owner Trevor Greenfield made headlines on Saturday after momentarily driving his $60,000 Tesla Model 3 to the "Tesla Takedown" protest outside a Portland dealership—only to turn around halfway there after realizing the optics might be a little off.
“It’s about sending a message,” Greenfield explained after parking his Tesla back in his driveway and hopping on his electric bike. “I didn’t want to support Tesla… by, uh, using Tesla. It just didn’t feel right. Plus, someone might take a picture, and I can’t have that going viral.”
Armed with a reusable coffee cup, a Patagonia windbreaker, and a sign reading "Elon Must Go," Greenfield was one of dozens who gathered to express their frustration with Elon Musk's role in the so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE).
“I’m a fan of electric vehicles, but an even bigger fan of democracy.”
The protest, described by organizers as part of a nationwide effort to “take down Tesla,” called for Tesla owners to “sell your Teslas, dump your stock, and join the picket lines.” Greenfield, however, admitted he was “still weighing his options” on selling the car he affectionately named Electra.
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“I mean, yeah, the seats are ridiculously comfortable, and the Autopilot feature is like having a co-pilot who doesn’t talk about astrology,” Greenfield said. “But at the end of the day, if I don’t take a stand, who will? I’m just hoping my resale value stays solid.”
At one particularly emotional moment, Greenfield broke down in tears when asked about his feelings on Elon Musk. “Elon was supposed to be the good billionaire,” Greenfield sobbed when approached by reporters. “I mean, he made electric cars cool, right? He was saving the planet! Now I can’t open X without seeing some unhinged meme or cryptic post about… I don’t even know what.”
"DOGE Must Fall, But My Tesla Is Staying"
Greenfield’s protest comrades, many of whom were also Tesla owners, voiced similar sentiments. Protestor Andrea Mathers was seen wearing a “Boycott Tesla” T-shirt while charging her Tesla Model S at a nearby station. “It’s complicated,” Mathers admitted. “I hate Musk, but I love that this car can get me to Cannon Beach without using a single drop of gas. I guess I’m protesting my own convenience?”
Others, like climate organizer Brian Ettling, took a stronger stance. Ettling, a former Tesla employee who helped organize the protest, explained that while he loves electric vehicles, “we can’t save the planet if democracy collapses.” He paused to sip kombucha from a Tesla-branded thermos before continuing. “And that’s why I drove here in my Nissan Leaf. Sure, it’s uglier than a shoe, but at least it doesn’t scream ‘Elon fanboy.’”
Meanwhile, Elon Musk Remains Unbothered
Despite protests in Portland, Austin, Boston, and beyond, Musk appears unmoved. In response to the protests, Musk tweeted a picture of a Shiba Inu in a bowtie with the caption, “DOGE stays.” The tweet garnered over 400,000 likes, primarily from crypto bros and tech enthusiasts who think Twitter Blue is a personality trait.
Back in Portland, Greenfield wrapped up the day by purchasing a Tesla-themed protest bumper sticker, which he plans to apply to Electra “once this whole DOGE thing blows over.” As the protest wound down, Greenfield reflected on his efforts. “If nothing else, I feel good knowing I’ve done my part,” he said, cycling back home as the protesters dispersed.
Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. While inspired by real events, the characters and scenarios depicted are fictional and exaggerated for comedic effect. Any resemblance to actual people, living or otherwise, is purely coincidental (and maybe just a little ironic). Please laugh responsibly.
