In a scene that has become a winter tradition in Portland, local resident Trevor Whitaker set out in his car this morning with unshakable confidence and a can-do attitude, despite a forecast that screamed, "Stay home!" Like many of his fellow Portlanders, Trevor believed his all-season tires and "rugged outdoorsy spirit" would carry him through the rapidly worsening snowstorm blanketing the city.
“I’ve got all-season tires,” Trevor declared proudly to his roommate, a fellow transplant from Southern California who wisely decided to work from home. “These bad boys are made for this kind of weather.”
By "this kind of weather," Trevor meant a layer of ice and six inches of powder that had already turned Portland’s streets into a treacherous, slow-motion bumper car arena. Undeterred, Trevor hopped in his car and headed toward the freeway, aiming for his office in downtown.
Trevor’s journey ended abruptly after traveling just 100 feet, when his car slid to a stop on the icy shoulder of the freeway, where it sat awkwardly angled and immobile. Still confident, Trevor rolled down his window to assess the situation.
“I just need to build up a little momentum,” he said, revving his engine optimistically as his tires spun futilely on the icy surface, sending a rooster tail of slush behind him. A passing driver slowed down, shook their head, and continued on their way.
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After 15 minutes of valiant attempts—and a short-lived experiment involving floor mats placed under the wheels—Trevor accepted his fate. He exited his car, grabbed his messenger bag, and began the trek home, slipping and sliding in his Vans sneakers.
“Honestly, I didn’t think it was going to be this bad,” Trevor later told reporters as he trudged back along the freeway he had so confidently entered just 30 minutes earlier. “But I think the city should’ve done a better job salting the roads. This isn’t on me.”
Trevor’s car now joins the growing graveyard of abandoned vehicles scattered across Portland’s freeways and neighborhood streets, a surreal tableau of blinking hazard lights and forlorn bumpers poking out from snowbanks. Meanwhile, Trevor is already making plans to retrieve his car, once the weather clears up—likely in April.
Until then, he’s vowed to “do some research” on snow chains and has started Googling "how to drive in snow" during his coffee breaks. But one thing is for certain: Trevor’s all-season tires are still the hill he’s willing to die on—metaphorically speaking, of course. “Those tires are great,” he insisted. “It’s just the roads that aren’t.”
