PORTLAND, Ore. — After decades of shopping, ice skating, awkward teenage hangouts and wondering whether the mall was actually still open, Lloyd Center is reportedly marking its final day in the most Portland way possible: with one last attempted robbery. Witnesses say...
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Oregon Fondly Recalls When The Most Divisive Issue In The State Was Ducks Vs. Beavers
There was a time in Oregon when the surest way to start an argument was to ask one simple question: Ducks or Beavers? Families were divided. Friend groups picked sides. Entire Saturdays in the fall revolved around green and yellow or orange and black. People could...
Portlanders Devastated by Lloyd Center Closing After Spending 15 Years Not Going There
PORTLAND, Ore. — A wave of grief swept across Portland Friday after thousands of residents received the shocking news that Lloyd Center is closing and, perhaps even more shockingly, learned that Lloyd Center had apparently still been open this entire time. The...
Federal Government Sends Emergency Porta-Potties To Hardest-Hit Taco Bell Locations
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling "the largest gastrointestinal emergency response in American history," the federal government announced Tuesday it has begun deploying thousands of emergency porta-potties to Taco Bell restaurants experiencing...
Shirtless Hiker Holds Glorious Pose For Five Minutes So Nobody Mistakes The Majestic Mountain For The Main Attraction
MOUNT HOOD NATIONAL FOREST, Ore. — Pausing at a sweeping overlook surrounded by snowcapped peaks, old-growth forest, and a vast mountain valley, local hiker Brandon Mercer reportedly removed his shirt and struck a glorious hands-on-hips pose Sunday to ensure no one...
Local Deer Photographs Goofy Human Taking 47th Identical Selfie Of The Morning
CANNON BEACH, Ore. — A local black-tailed deer captured a remarkable photograph Saturday morning of an Oregon Coast visitor taking what witnesses confirmed was her 47th nearly identical selfie in front of Haystack Rock. The deer, identified by nearby wildlife as a...
Kotek Announces Plan To Unite Oregon This Fourth Of July By Posting Another Divisive Facebook Rant About Trump
SALEM, OR — As Oregonians celebrate the Fourth of July today with fireworks, family barbecues, flags, parades, and the annual tradition of pretending everyone can get along for at least one afternoon, Governor Tina Kotek is marking the holiday with her own bold...
Bombshell Report Reveals Tina Kotek Has Been Quietly Finger-Gunning Oregon For Years
In a development that has sent shockwaves through Oregon’s political class, a newly uncovered series of highly suspicious images appears to show Governor Tina Kotek doing finger guns in a variety of official settings, raising serious questions about how long this has...
Portland Ditches July 4 Fireworks, Adds Emotional Support Tents And Community Cry Circle
PORTLAND, Ore. – While the rest of America spent Independence Day celebrating 250 years of freedom with fireworks, cookouts, parades, and enough red, white, and blue decorations to empty every Party City in the country, Portland reportedly decided to take a more...
Family’s Wholesome Weekend Plans To Unplug At Lake Cabin Ruined By Lack Of WiFi
What was supposed to be a wholesome family plan to unplug at a lake cabin quickly collapsed into emotional devastation after the Miller family discovered the getaway they had been romanticizing for weeks did, in fact, require them to go without reliable WiFi. The...
Oregon State Capitol Unveils Kate Brown Portrait In Iconic COVID Christmas Snow Globe Mask
SALEM, Ore. — Oregon officials gathered at the State Capitol Monday for the unveiling of former Governor Kate Brown's official portrait, revealing what many historians now consider the most recognizable symbol of Oregon's COVID era: the legendary Christmas snow globe...
PORTLAND, Ore. — In what officials are calling a major step forward for aquatic inclusivity, Oregon announced this week that all public swimming pools will be required to employ at least one certified drag queen lifeguard during Pride Month. The new program,...











