Satire

Fall Arrives Early in Bend After Local Man Puts on Tiny Mustard-Yellow Patagonia Beanie Despite 79-Degree Weather

BEND, OR — Fall arrived ahead of schedule in Central Oregon this week after a local man stepped into Drake Park wearing a tiny mustard-yellow Patagonia beanie, overriding the calendar, the forecast, and several people actively paddleboarding. The man, who appeared to be dressed for a weather...

Oregonians Still Stunned Days Later That Ducks Were Able to Take Down Portland State

Days after the Oregon Ducks escaped Portland State with an 84–0 victory, residents across the state are still struggling to comprehend how the little program from Eugene managed to pull it off. Fans have spent the weekend replaying the game, checking the final score, and calling relatives to make...

Oregon Facebook Data Center Quietly Processes Kotek’s Latest Criticism Of Data Centers

PRINEVILLE, Ore. — Workers at an Oregon Facebook data center reportedly went about their day as usual this week, quietly processing Governor Tina Kotek’s latest criticism of data centers without commenting on the situation. The post, which warned about the growing demands data centers can place on...

Scientists Confirm Earth Fully Healed Thanks To Oregon’s 5-Cent Bag Fee

SALEM, Ore. — After decades of concern over melting glaciers, rising oceans, drought, wildfires, plastic pollution and the slow destruction of the natural world, scientists announced this week that the planet has finally been restored to perfect health thanks to Oregon’s five-cent grocery bag fee....

Bend City Council Considers Ban On Vehicles Without Bike Rack, Ski Rack, Or Kayak Straps

BEND, OR — In what city officials are calling a long-overdue effort to “protect Bend’s visual identity,” the Bend City Council is reportedly considering a new ordinance that would prohibit vehicles from operating within city limits unless they are equipped with at least one approved piece of...
19 Reasons You Should Definitely Move To Oregon (Satire)

19 Reasons You Should Definitely Move To Oregon (Satire)

Thinking about moving to Oregon? Excellent decision. Ignore the rain, housing prices, wildfire smoke, traffic, taxes, and enormous earthquake fault lurking offshore. Those aren't problems. They're amenities. Here are 19 reasons you should absolutely pack up the U-Haul...

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