Satire

ODFW Confirms Sighting Of Extremely Rare Portland Seagull

PORTLAND, Ore. — Wildlife officials say they've confirmed the first documented sighting of an Extremely Rare Portland Seagull, a subspecies long believed to exist only in stories told by brewery owners, baristas, and people who somehow manage to turn every conversation into a podcast. The bird was...

Gov. Tina Kotek Debuts Bold New Purple Mohawk

PORTLAND, OR — Oregon Governor Tina Kotek shocked residents this week after unveiling a dramatic new purple mohawk during a public appearance, prompting widespread confusion over whether the hairstyle was a personal choice, a political statement, or the result of an experimental transportation...

Nabisco And Newport Announce Limited Edition Dungeness Crab Stuffed Oreos

NEWPORT, Ore. — In what experts are already calling “the most Oregon thing to ever happen,” Nabisco has officially partnered with the coastal town of Newport to release a new flavor nobody asked for but everyone is now weirdly curious about: Limited Edition Dungeness Crab Stuffed Oreos. The...

Nation’s Worst Human Revealed As Guy Who Guns It Past Everyone Waiting Then Forces Way In At Merge Point

SOME RANDOM TOWN, OREGON — In a stunning development that has united commuters across political, cultural, and astrological lines, officials confirmed Tuesday that the nation’s worst human is, in fact, the guy who floors it down the closing lane and tries to merge at the very last possible inch....

Quiet Day On The Lake Ruined By Kid Who Doesn’t Know How To Fish

BEND, OR — What began as a peaceful, carefully planned morning of solitude on a quiet Central Oregon lake quickly unraveled Saturday after local father Mark Ellison, 42, made the critical error of bringing along his 7-year-old son, who sources confirm “doesn’t know how to fish at all.” Ellison,...
Gov. Tina Kotek Debuts Bold New Purple Mohawk

Gov. Tina Kotek Debuts Bold New Purple Mohawk

PORTLAND, OR — Oregon Governor Tina Kotek shocked residents this week after unveiling a dramatic new purple mohawk during a public appearance, prompting widespread confusion over whether the hairstyle was a personal choice, a political statement, or the result of an...

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