Satire

Flip Flops Found After Mosquitoes Eat a Whole Man, Witnesses Claim “He Was Drained Like a Juice Box”

OREGON LAKE — What was supposed to be a peaceful weekend getaway turned into a bloodsucking horror show Saturday after witnesses say a swarm of mosquitoes at a popular Oregon lake completely consumed a man, leaving behind nothing but a pair of slightly-worn flip-flops and a strong scent of banana...

Locals Horrified as Man Wearing American Flag T-Shirt Casually Walks Into Portland Coffee Shop

Portland, OR — A tense scene unfolded Tuesday morning at a southeast Portland coffee shop after a man casually entered the building wearing a T-shirt featuring the American flag — unironically. The man, described by onlookers as “clean-cut” and “probably someone who owns a gasoline-powered...

Portland Man to Be Publicly Beheaded in Pioneer Square After Suggesting ‘Let’s Hear Both Sides’

PORTLAND, OR — In a bold display of civic unity, city officials have announced the scheduled public beheading of a local man at sunset tonight in Pioneer Courthouse Square after he reportedly uttered the inflammatory phrase: “Let’s hear both sides.” The man, identified as 38-year-old Greg...

Man Fishing for Dinner Horrified After Reeling In Screaming Vegetarian Karen

EAGLE CREEK, OR — A peaceful day of fishing took a harrowing turn for local man Doug Harper after he accidentally reeled in a screaming woman identified only as Karen, who immediately began berating him for “murdering aquatic citizens” and “violating the lake’s safe space.” “I thought I had a nice...

Oregon Hosts First Hunger Games in the Nation Featuring Riots, Wildfires and Future Lockdowns

SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to bring communities together through coordinated chaos, the state of Oregon has officially launched the nation’s first Hunger Games, complete with blazing wildfires, spontaneous riots, and a rotating schedule of statewide lockdowns. Organizers say the event...
Oregon Bans Conservatives

Oregon Bans Conservatives

SALEM, OR — In a move hailed by absolutely no one outside the Portland metro area, Oregon lawmakers have officially banned conservatives from residing in the state, citing “vibe mismatch” and “continued misuse of the word ‘woke.’” The emergency legislation, passed...

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