Satire

Corvallis Student Claims Living In A Construction Site Porta Potty Is “Cheaper Than Rent”

CORVALLIS, OR — In what housing experts are calling “a troubling but financially sound decision,” a 20-year-old college student has reportedly moved into a construction-site porta-potty near campus after calculating that it was still significantly cheaper than renting a one-bedroom apartment in...

Researchers Admit They Still Don’t Understand Why Portland Residents Look Like This

PORTLAND, OR — After years of observation, analysis, and quietly judgmental note-taking, researchers have formally admitted they still do not understand why Portland residents look the way they do. The announcement came Tuesday from a multidisciplinary research team stationed primarily outside...

16 Oregon Towns Where You Never Leave, Develop a Drinking Problem, and Hit on the Same People at the Same Bar for Eternity

There are Oregon towns you pass through.There are Oregon towns you stay in for a bit.And then there are Oregon towns that quietly enroll you in something permanent. Nobody ever announces they’re staying forever. They say things like “just for now,” or “until I figure it out,” or “I’ll probably...

Seagull Maintains Unbroken Eye Contact While Committing Fry Theft

CANNON BEACH, OR — Witnesses confirmed Tuesday that a local seagull brazenly stole several French fries from an unattended basket while maintaining prolonged, unblinking eye contact with the victim, clearly signaling that the theft was both intentional and irreversible. According to onlookers, the...

Oregon Government Seeks Another $500 Billion to Retry Same Ideas That Failed the First Six Times

SALEM, OR — Standing beneath a banner reading “Progress Takes Time (And Money)”, Oregon leaders this week announced a bold new plan to address homelessness, housing affordability, addiction, and public safety by requesting another $500 billion to retry the same strategies that have already failed...
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