News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Eugene Man Sets Record For Longest Dreadlock in The World

EUGENE, OR — In a shocking display of follicular fortitude, Eugene resident River Moonstone has shattered all known records — and possibly local zoning ordinances — by growing a single dreadlock that now stretches, according to witnesses, "all the way down the street and possibly into...

Man’s Dignity Evaporates As Clerk Silently Points to Sign Reading ‘Porta Potty Outside’

NEEDLES, CA — Oregon native Daniel Price thought he was making a quick pit stop for gas and a restroom on his long drive through the California desert, but instead found himself in a quiet, humiliating standoff Thursday morning when the gas station clerk—without saying a word—lifted his arm and...

State Officials Quietly Swap Haystack Rock for Gold Man, Salem Left With a Sad, Bare Dome

In a baffling but somehow deeply Oregonian development, state officials have confirmed that the recently vacated site of Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach has now been filled with the Oregon Pioneer—better known as the Gold Man from atop the Oregon State Capitol. The swap, carried out under cover of...

“This Protest Sure Is Neato,” Says Man Who Hasn’t Moved More Than 6 Feet Since Clocking Out, While His Meatloaf Waits at Home

PORTLAND, OR — Local accountant Greg Waller, 42, expressed mild admiration through clenched teeth Thursday evening as he sat motionless in traffic for the third consecutive hour due to a massive anti-Trump protest downtown. “This protest sure is neato,” Waller muttered to himself, beads of stress...

Cannon Beach Tuft Puffin Takes a Little Poo on Unsuspecting Tourist

CANNON BEACH, Ore. – In what wildlife officials are calling “a majestic act of nature,” a tufted puffin at Cannon Beach reportedly took a perfectly aimed, suspiciously intentional poo directly onto the head of an unsuspecting tourist from Des Moines. Witnesses say the event occurred just after...
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