Newport, Oregon— Local police have proudly unveiled what they believe to be groundbreaking security footage in their ongoing investigation of a robbery suspect. The image, which has been described as "state-of-the-art" by Officer Daniels, features a vaguely...
In a shocking turn of caffeinated events, local woman Claire Thompson found herself reevaluating her entire romantic history after a first date that featured a French press. What began as an ordinary evening with Kyle Hastings, a 32-year-old marketing consultant and...
In a scene that has become a winter tradition in Portland, local resident Trevor Whitaker set out in his car this morning with unshakable confidence and a can-do attitude, despite a forecast that screamed, "Stay home!" Like many of his fellow Portlanders, Trevor...
CRATER LAKE, OR — A couple visiting from out of state returned home Sunday after an "utterly underwhelming" trip to Crater Lake. Inspired by a Facebook post claiming Crater Lake was home to a stunning waterfall cascading into a glowing sapphire pool, surrounded by...
In what’s being described as a growing epidemic, local authorities have issued a warning about an alarming spike in community-wide addiction—this time, not from the usual suspects, but from a shadowy network of pint-sized pushers peddling a dangerous product known...
Tailgating on icy roads doesn’t end well. Just ask the guy who passed you five minutes ago. The Road to Instant Karma—In a poetic twist of fate that would make even the grumpiest Oregonian crack a smile, a local truck enthusiast learned a valuable life lesson during...
Eugene, OR—Local resident Dave Mulligan is eagerly counting down the days until spring, despite the fact that his immune system has already raised the white flag. “I just love warmer weather,” Dave said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and sinus congestion from last...
Washington, D.C. – In a move that has left both critics and supporters scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has declared the first Monday of every June as National 'Bring Your Wife to Work So She Can Cook' Day. The announcement was made during a press...
Portland is taking bold steps to curb downtown drug use with a groundbreaking initiative that’s sure to shake things up—or at least leave residents humming a few regrettable tunes. The city has officially announced plans to blast Nickelback's Greatest Hits on repeat...
A shocking phenomenon unfolded in Oregon today as thousands of residents were left squinting and disoriented by the sudden appearance of a mysterious yellow orb in the sky. Experts, still reeling from the unexpected event, have confirmed the source of the blinding...
SALEM, OR—In a bold move that can only be described as "heroically gluttonous," local man Derek Caldwell ordered a fourth basket of tortilla chips at a downtown Mexican restaurant Friday evening. Witnesses report that Caldwell, who was deep in conversation about "how...
Scientists have finally cracked the case on one of humanity's most baffling mysteries: why does Daylight Savings Time exist? After years of speculation, historical digging, and a shocking amount of caffeine-fueled debates, the answer is now official—Daylight Savings...