HEAVEN—After years of patience, countless warnings, and multiple disasters that somehow still weren’t enough to inspire change, sources close to the Almighty confirm that God is now “heavily considering” giving California a gentle push into the Pacific by 2030. “I...
A groundbreaking new study has finally settled the age-old debate: according to a nationwide survey, most women agree that a six-inch Subway sandwich is the perfect size. Conducted by the highly respected Institute of Culinary and Statistical Research, the study found...
NEWPORT, OR — For years, coastal visitors have suspected foul play when it comes to the mysterious yet highly strategic poop splatters appearing on their vehicles after a peaceful day at the beach. Today, in a shocking and unprecedented confession, Newport’s seagull...
In a move that has both foodies and entomologists scratching their heads, Impossible Foods has announced their latest innovation: a burger made entirely from 100% ground crickets. Dubbed the Crunchy Classic, this bold new creation promises all the protein of...
A Bend landlord, known among tenants simply as “Greg,” has proudly listed his one-bedroom, one-bath apartment for a “very fair” $3,200 a month, adding that he feels “pretty generous” about the price. “I could be charging way more,” Greg said while standing in front of...
