BEND, OR — Local 40-year-old insurance adjuster and recreational hiker Kyle Marston is reportedly gearing up for another exciting weekend on the trails, where he fully expects to rediscover that same vague, mysterious knee pain that’s been haunting him since a poorly...
PORTLAND, OR — In what mall officials are calling “an unfortunate holiday incident,” the Easter Bunny abruptly ended his seasonal duties at the Lloyd Center this weekend after reportedly being ambushed by a 3-year-old wielding toddler-sized brass knuckles and a sippy...
PORTLAND, OR — In a newly released report blending cautious optimism with a strong whiff of apocalyptic dread, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced Wednesday that while a zombie outbreak is “probably unlikely,” it is also “definitely...
SALEM, OR — In a groundbreaking effort to reduce gun violence and increase reloading time to a full 90 seconds, Oregon lawmakers have passed a new bill that limits all private citizens to only single-shot muskets. Governor Tina Kotek signed the bill into law Tuesday...
SILVER FALLS STATE PARK, OR — What began as a peaceful afternoon hike took an unexpectedly magical turn this week when a group of Oregon hikers reported being stopped by a robed wizard demanding “their finest marijuanas.” “He looked exactly like Gandalf,” said hiker...
