PRINEVILLE, Ore. — A Prineville family is asking the public for help after a horrifying, unprovoked home invasion left 53-year-old Steve Wilson with devastating injuries, including shattered facial bones and partial vision loss. The suspect, a neighbor with a reported...
PORTLAND, OR — In a development surprising no one, another guy in the Pacific Northwest has reportedly gotten a tattoo of a forest on his forearm. Witnesses say the man, identified only as “Kyle,” emerged from a local tattoo studio Tuesday afternoon sporting a...
VENETA, Ore. — In a move that can only be described as “Grateful, Undead and Totally Unexpected,” the spirit of Jerry Garcia reportedly materialized onstage Friday evening at the Oregon Country Fair, triggering mass confusion that was blamed entirely on rampant edible...
SALEM, OR — In a bold new effort to “restore order and tranquility” to Oregon’s waterways, Governor Tina Kotek unveiled legislation this week that would impose a $500 fine for any “unauthorized splashing” on rivers across the state. “Too many Oregonians think they can...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sobering report released Thursday, leading political scientists confirmed that the only remaining path toward national unity would require a planet-destroying asteroid to obliterate all life on Earth. “After analyzing decades of data, partisan...
