Florence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized statue of the infamous exploding whale on Tuesday—then promptly reduced it to flaming chunks with 20 cases of surplus dynamite.

City officials say the decision to detonate the statue wasn't just symbolic—it was necessary.

“We felt the only respectful way to honor the legacy of 1970’s whale detonation was to reenact it in the most irresponsible and dramatic way possible,” said Parks & Recreation spokesperson Sandy “Boomer” McLellan, whose family has proudly mismanaged coastal wildlife for three generations. “The plaque we put up next to the statue literally said ‘This Will End in Fire.’”

The statue, crafted from recycled blubber-scented fiberglass and standing over 40 feet long, was lovingly placed near the original blast site. It lasted exactly 14 minutes before the countdown began.

A Gathering of the Like-Minded
Hundreds of spectators gathered for the ceremonial kaboom, some dressed in whale costumes, others in rain ponchos borrowed from nearby seafood shacks. Vendors sold “Blubber Bits” (deep-fried mystery meat on a stick) and commemorative ponchos reading I Came, I Saw, I Got Whale on Me.

“I didn’t even know what was happening, I was just here to get saltwater taffy,” said confused tourist Greg Halverson, wiping bits of fiberglass from his nachos.

Modern Problems, Traditional Solutions
While the original 1970 detonation was meant to dispose of an actual whale carcass, this year’s reenactment had no such purpose beyond raw spectacle and generational trauma bonding.

Officials from the Oregon Department of Transportation—many of whom had no idea this was happening—issued a brief statement afterward:

“We would like to remind the public that explosives are not an officially sanctioned method of statue removal or coastal management. Again.”

Despite this, Florence Mayor Tina McSandals doubled down.
“We’re Oregonians. We see a large thing on the beach, we blow it up. It’s called heritage.”

Plans Already Underway for 2026
Organizers say next year’s reenactment may include synchronized whale explosions along the entire Oregon coast, pending EPA approval and “a really good GoFundMe.”

“It’s not about logic,” said one attendee dressed as a seagull with PTSD. “It’s about legacy.”