Yet another Oregon town has been thrust into the national spotlight, thanks to Quaint Living Weekly, a prestigious, possibly AI-generated publication that, despite its apparent influence, no one has actually seen in print.
According to the magazine, [Insert Oregon Town] has been officially declared "Most Adorable Small Town in America," edging out dozens of other towns in a ranking that appears to have been compiled using a mix of Pinterest boards and Google image searches.
How Did They Decide This?
The Quaint Living Weekly Institute for Determining Adorableness (which we’re convinced was made up on the spot) claims to have used a “rigorous selection process,” in which their panel of travel experts assessed key factors, including:
✅ Number of historic buildings that now house wine tasting rooms
✅ Likelihood of spotting a man in suspenders selling handmade leather goods
✅ Presence of at least one bakery that specializes in overpriced croissants
✅ The town’s ability to look “cozy” in drone footage
To finalize the rankings, 85 self-proclaimed travel influencers were sent to visit [Oregon Town] and conduct an in-depth evaluation, which mostly involved taking selfies in front of the town’s only mural and determining whether the local coffee shop had an Instagram-worthy interior.
What Makes This Town So Adorable?
Among the attributes that secured [Oregon Town] its title were:
🌲 A picturesque setting featuring either mountains, a river, or some trees that look amazing in the fall
🍞 A quaint bakery where tourists form a line out the door for a $6 cinnamon roll
🎨 A vibrant local art scene (translation: a gift shop that sells paintings of nearby landscapes)
🚲 A bike rental shop exclusively used by visitors who haven’t ridden a bike since childhood
🏡 A row of historic houses, each with a sign describing how someone’s great-great-grandfather once lived there
A Reviewer Notes, ‘It’s Like a Storybook!’
One travel tester gushed, “It feels like a Hallmark movie set come to life!”, blissfully unaware that locals have been rolling their eyes at that description for years.
She recommends booking a stay at [Insert Expensive Boutique Inn], where visitors can experience “authentic small-town charm” for the low price of $375 a night. Quaint Living Weekly suggests the best way to enjoy [Oregon Town] is to “start your day with a walk through its darling downtown, enjoy a farm-to-table brunch, and then spend the afternoon browsing through antique shops that all sell the exact same collection of old postcards and ceramic owls.”
Locals Are Less Than Thrilled
Not everyone is excited about the newfound recognition.
“I’ve lived here my whole life, and I guess it’s cute,” says longtime resident Jim Thornton, 63, while drinking coffee at the only diner in town. “But now we’ve got a bunch of out-of-towners wandering around looking for an ‘artisan bakery’ that doesn’t exist.”
Meanwhile, real estate listings have already been updated to include phrases like:
✅ “Nestled in Oregon’s most adorable town”
✅ “A hidden gem… until now”
✅ “Zillow estimates are about to go through the roof”
What This Means for Locals
With this latest honor, residents of [Oregon Town] can now look forward to:
📸 A dramatic increase in Instagram influencers blocking sidewalks for photoshoots
🚗 A surge in out-of-state drivers attempting to parallel park in spots clearly too small for their rental SUVs
🏠 A local real estate boom that ensures no one who actually grew up here can afford to stay
☕ At least one new café that describes its coffee as ‘elevated’
⏳ Longer brunch wait times than anyone thought humanly possible
And, of course, the inevitable follow-up articles from other media outlets, including:
- “You Won’t Believe How Charming This Oregon Town Is”
- “Hidden Gem? Not Anymore! This Adorable Oregon Destination Is Now Completely Overrun”
- “This Oregon Café’s Pastries Are So Cute, You’ll Forget They Cost $9”
- “This Oregon Gas Station Was Just Named ‘Most Aesthetically Pleasing Place to Fill Up’ by Road Trip Weekly”
As for the residents of [Oregon Town], all they can do now is sit back, watch the parking situation deteriorate, and wonder how long it’ll take before someone opens a boutique that only sells handmade soaps and $15 candles.
