PORTLAND, Ore. — Oregonians sweating into their hydroflasks this weekend may be tempted to declare, “It’s officially summer!” But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. According to people who study weather professionally and not just through vibes, this little heat spell is still just the appetizer, tbh.

The National Weather Service issued a Heat Advisory starting Sunday at 10 a.m. through Monday at 10 p.m., covering the Willamette Valley, southwest Washington, the Columbia River Gorge, and Cascade Foothills. Translation? If you live anywhere between Eugene and Vancouver and your air conditioning sounds like it’s about to file a worker’s comp claim, you're not alone.

"Sunday is likely to be the hottest day of the year so far," warned KATU's Rhonda Shelby, forecasting a high of 96°F, which would break the daily record. Some models even suggest parts of the Willamette Valley might hit a spicy 100°F, which is great news for anyone hoping to evaporate entirely by mid-July.

Historically speaking, meteorologists have been warning us about heatwaves since 1900, when A.T. Burrows (presumably wearing a full suit and tie) defined it as three or more days above 90°F. That’s cute. Now we define it as:

1. Being mad at your electric bill
2. Laying in front of a fan like you're dying in a Victorian novel
3. Tweeting “I’m melting lol” from inside your fridge

Let’s not forget that this region’s average high for early June is 72°F, meaning we’re overshooting by 20–30 degrees. That’s not just a heatwave — that’s Oregon skipping foreplay and going straight into a sweaty panic spiral.

Meanwhile, locals are expected to flock to rivers in droves this weekend, bravely hurling themselves into bodies of water still clocking in at 50–60°F. Officials remind everyone that cold water shock is real, and that the Willamette doesn’t care how hot you are — it will snatch your breath and your dignity in under five seconds.

“This is the time of year we see drowning and people doing things around the river that they should not be doing,” Shelby said, subtly subtweeting everyone who thinks a floaty and two White Claws equals a water safety plan.

But here's the kicker: this weekend's heat is just the opening act. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has issued a severe heat alert, warning that summer 2025 could be one of the most dangerous in decades, with significantly above-average temperatures expected across nearly the entire country, including Oregon . The Climate Prediction Center forecasts a 50–60% chance of above-average temperatures from June through September in Oregon, raising concerns over increased drought conditions, elevated wildfire risk, and potential heat-related deaths .

So, while you're currently melting into your lawn chair, remember: this is just the tutorial level. The boss fight is coming in July and August, and it's bringing the kind of heat that makes you question all your life choices.

Until then, hydrate, find a shady spot, and maybe try not to grill your feet on the sidewalk — because as miserable as it feels out there right now… this really isn’t shit yet, tbh.

Sources:

• KATU News: “First heat wave takes hold with temperatures expected to soar into upper 90s on Sunday.”
• NOAA Climate Prediction Center
• Axios Portland: Oregon Could See Hotter, Drier Summer
• Times of India: NOAA Warns Summer 2025 Could Be One of the Most Dangerous in Decades