“It’s time I lived my values,” says local man as he sets out organic snacks and fair trade matches.
PORTLAND, OR — Declaring that “true solidarity means flammability,” local activist Caleb Renner has officially invited a group of protesters to peacefully burn his house down this weekend in what he’s calling “a symbolic act of restorative justice through controlled combustion.”
The invitation, posted on Instagram beneath a photo of his 1920s craftsman home in the Alberta Arts District, encourages participants to bring reusable water bottles, respectful chants, and “whatever fire-starting tools speak your truth.”
“People keep saying, ‘Would you let them burn your house down?’ and honestly—yeah,” Renner told reporters while carefully moving his vinyl collection into his Subaru. “It’s just stuff. My grandma’s quilt? A relic of colonial textile culture. The couch? Capitalist comfort. The walls? Barriers.”
Friends say the idea came to him after a heated Facebook debate, a fourth IPA, and a brief YouTube spiral about revolutionary bonfires in France. “He said, ‘If I truly believe property isn’t sacred, I should be the first one to offer mine up,’” said roommate Jonah Klein. “Then he asked if I could Venmo him half the deposit before things got crispy.”
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Protest organizers described the upcoming demonstration as “an intimate, fire-forward community ritual,” adding that the house would be “peacefully engulfed” using locally sourced accelerants and chants in four languages.
The event was inspired in part by a recent protest outside an ICE detention center in Los Angeles, where demonstrators lit cars on fire, waved Mexican flags, and peacefully destroyed several police cruisers while chanting about liberation and overdue library books.
One protester praised Renner’s commitment to the cause, saying, “He said destruction isn’t violence—so we peacefully transformed his Craftsman into a free-range, locally sourced campfire.”
“Watching those heroes in L.A. torch a Prius with such care—it moved me,” said Renner. “That kind of energy needs to spread. And if that means peacefully turning my decaying early 20th-century home into a pile of woke rubble, then so be it.”
“I just hope this starts a conversation,” said Renner, donning a shirt that read Ashes Speak Louder Than Words. “And if not, at least I’m warm for once.”
Fire officials have declined to comment, except to note that, legally, arson is still a crime—even in Portland.
