Locals Horrified as Man Wearing American Flag T-Shirt Casually Walks Into Portland Coffee Shop

by | Jun 30, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

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Portland, OR — A tense scene unfolded Tuesday morning at a southeast Portland coffee shop after a man casually entered the building wearing a T-shirt featuring the American flag — unironically.

The man, described by onlookers as “clean-cut” and “probably someone who owns a gasoline-powered lawnmower,” walked into The Sacred Bean café around 9:45 a.m. and ordered a plain black coffee, all while visibly displaying the stars and stripes across his chest. Patrons described the act as “alarming,” “reckless,” and “potentially triggering.”

“I looked up and just froze,” said Jessica Morris, who was seated near the front window. “You don’t expect to see something like that in broad daylight — not here.”

Barista Dylan Hart said he was momentarily stunned by the man’s confidence. “He walked right up like he didn’t know where he was. Just ordered a coffee — no modifiers, no milk alternatives, not even a reusable cup. I didn’t know what to say.”

Several customers reportedly left their tables, some pretending to take phone calls, others simply abandoning their drinks. One woman allegedly spilled her matcha latte after trying to discreetly duck behind a potted plant.

“I wasn’t sure if I should call the police or HR,” said Ben Carlson, a remote tech worker who had been typing quietly until the incident. “It just felt… off. Like we were being challenged.”

Witnesses say the man proceeded to sit near the community bulletin board, directly beneath a poster promoting a book club titled 'How to Unlearn America.' He didn’t interact with anyone — only sipped his coffee, scrolled his phone, and left a dollar bill in the tip jar.

“He even said thank you,” Dylan noted. “It was unsettling.”

The shop closed an hour early following the incident. A handwritten sign taped to the door read: “Closed for collective reflection.” Management has announced plans to hold a customer forum this weekend to discuss “appropriate symbolism in shared spaces” and whether flags of any kind should be considered hate speech.

As for the man, witnesses say he walked out calmly, crossed the street, and disappeared into a hardware store — never once looking over his shoulder.


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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