NEEDLES, CA — Oregon native Daniel Price thought he was making a quick pit stop for gas and a restroom on his long drive through the California desert, but instead found himself in a quiet, humiliating standoff Thursday morning when the gas station clerk—without saying a word—lifted his arm and pointed to a bright yellow sign taped to the counter that read in all-caps: “PORTA POTTY OUTSIDE.”
“He didn’t speak. Not even a nod,” said Price, who stood frozen in place for several seconds. “Just stared through me with the intensity of a man who’s seen things... and pointed to that sign like it was a death sentence.”
The sign, printed in size 72 Times New Roman on fluorescent yellow cardstock, sat beside a tangle of receipts, lollipops, and sunglasses no one has purchased since 2011. It required no explanation. It offered no comfort. It simply existed—like a warning scrawled in an ancient language, daring you to proceed.
“I asked if there was a bathroom,” Price continued. “And that finger just… rose. Like it had been trained for this moment. Like it had done this a thousand times before.”
Following the direction of the clerk’s outstretched hand and the sign’s cold clarity, Price made his way outside to find a lonely blue porta potty leaning against the far wall of the building. Its door creaked in the wind. A single fly hovered in the entryway like a gatekeeper to the underworld.
Inside, the experience was as bleak as advertised: no light, one square of toilet paper left (possibly used), and a strange echo that whispered regret.
Emerging minutes later with a hollow stare, Price declined to speak further. Witnesses say he walked directly to his car, sat behind the wheel without turning it on, and stared ahead like a man who had left something behind—but not something he wanted back.
When asked about the incident, the clerk simply shrugged.
“Sign says it all.”
Chevron corporate later issued a statement:
“We are committed to providing clear communication to our customers. We are not, however, responsible for what happens once they enter the porta potty.”
At press time, Price had driven 42 miles in total silence, pausing only to Google “Starbucks with indoor plumbing.”
