Portland Family Says Final Goodbyes to Dad Who Bravely Drank From Benson Bubbler

by | Mar 29, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

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PORTLAND, OR — A local family is in mourning after 44-year-old Ron Breckman tragically passed away this week following what experts are calling “a reckless and ultimately fatal decision” to drink directly from a downtown Portland Benson Bubbler.

“He just leaned in and drank,” said his wife, Susan Breckman. “He thought it was city water. I told him not to, that I’d seen someone wash a sock in that same fountain the day before. But he said, ‘They’re historic. It’s probably fine.’”

Witnesses say Ron ignored multiple red flags, including an unconscious man slumped nearby, several pigeons bathing in the basin, and a strong odor of… something.

“He said it had a clean taste,” said longtime friend Jeff Elms. “I said it had a chemical taste.”

Even more disturbingly, a video had gone viral just one week earlier showing a person in tattered clothing aggressively rubbing their bare backside on the exact same Benson Bubbler spout—an image many locals say should have retired the fountain permanently.

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Paramedics responded quickly, but there was little they could do. “Once we heard it was a Benson Bubbler incident, we knew time was critical,” said paramedic Linda Rake. “We keep those cases under a separate protocol, usually involving antibiotics and a full soul cleanse.”

Ron’s last words, according to a bystander, were: “Kinda minty.”

City officials say a small plaque will be added near the fountain reading, “In memory of Ron. Don’t drink from this.” Plans are also in motion to install a motion-activated warning speaker or possibly a small fence.

The family has asked for privacy and issued a statement reminding the public that “not all fountains are for drinking—especially in Portland.”


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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