Satire

Jerry Garcia’s Ghost Found Running a Portland Dispensary—Still on a Really Long, Strange Trip

PORTLAND, OR — In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the local jam band community, customers at a small dispensary in Southeast Portland were stunned to discover that the laid-back, tie-dye-clad man behind the counter isn’t just a Jerry Garcia lookalike—he might actually be Jerry...

GoFundMe Created for Husband Who Thought Telling Wife to Calm Down Was a Good Idea

In what’s being dubbed “the most expensive two words ever spoken,” a local man has launched a GoFundMe after making the rookie mistake of telling his wife to “calm down” during a heated discussion about reorganizing the pantry. “It just slipped out,” the man, now referred to as the ‘Couch King of...

Eugene Voted Most Likely to Smell Like Weed Before 9 AM

In a nationwide study that absolutely no one asked for, Eugene, Oregon, has taken home the prestigious title of “Most Likely to Smell Like Weed Before 9 AM.” The study, conducted by the National Scent Awareness Coalition (NSAC), found that 87% of residents and visitors reported catching a strong...

Portland Tesla Owner Remembers to Leave Tesla at Home Before Protesting Tesla

PORTLAND, Ore. — In what might be the most Portland thing ever, local resident and proud Tesla owner Trevor Greenfield made headlines on Saturday after momentarily driving his $60,000 Tesla Model 3 to the "Tesla Takedown" protest outside a Portland dealership—only to turn around halfway there...

Tired Couple Thanks Motel for Nostalgic Cigarette Scent in ‘Charming Vintage Room’

After a grueling 12-hour road trip filled with endless stretches of highway and way too many gas station hot dogs, Mark and Susan Reynolds were looking forward to a peaceful night’s rest. What they didn’t expect was a “charming vintage experience” that would transport them back in time, courtesy...

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