UNITED STATES — In a stunning revelation that rocked suburban malls across America, thousands of teens born after 2005 were reportedly shocked to discover that Nirvana is not, in fact, a clothing brand exclusively sold at Hot Topic. “I just thought it was like Vans or...
I’m writing to you with trembling fingers and a heart full of reclaimed anxiety. I need help. Not the kind of help you get from a therapist (I already have two of those), but the kind you get from a trusted Oregon-based lifestyle blog with a passive-aggressive...
PALM BEACH, FL — After years of public praise, private DMs, and the occasional awkward photo op, former President Donald J. Trump and tech billionaire Elon Musk have officially filed for divorce, ending what many believed to be the most chaotic power couple in modern...
SALEM, OR — With Oregon bracing for what forecasters are calling a “long, dry, sweat-stained summer,” local man Greg Landers is getting a head start on the statewide suffering after his car’s AC gave up the ghost before June even had the decency to hit 90. “My AC...
PORTLAND, OR — In what friends are calling a “quiet but revolutionary act of vulnerability,” Portland resident Brandon Kepler, 29, recently came out as heterosexual — a decision he says has been “years in the making.” Kepler made the announcement in the safety of his...
OREGON — A beloved Oregon hiking trail once known only to a handful of locals, several deer, and one suspiciously territorial raccoon has now been declared “completely over” after being featured in the debut episode of influencer Sage Emberly’s new video series,...
PORTLAND, OR — In a bold new move that critics are calling “deeply Portland” and supporters are calling “like, super healing,” city leaders have announced a sweeping initiative to phase out the word “police” entirely and replace the Portland Police Bureau with a newly...
PORTLAND, OR — In a groundbreaking move hailed by city leaders as a “compassion-centered innovation,” Portland has officially replaced its overwhelmed 911 emergency response system with a calming AI assistant programmed to repeatedly say, “That must have been scary.”...
SALEM, Ore. (AP) — Oregon lawmakers are considering a controversial new proposal that would remove biological girls from girls’ sports teams in public schools and universities, a move supporters say is necessary to promote fairness, inclusivity, and “repair centuries...
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos erupted in the Thompson household Wednesday evening when 19-year-old Antifa member Brayden Thompson was once again grounded after skipping his chores to attend a “Riot for Justice and Mild Property Damage” protest downtown. Brayden, a part-time...
BANDON, OR — In what authorities are calling “the least surprising twist in an already shocking investigation,” a raccoon that recently escaped from the embattled West Coast Game Park Safari was discovered Tuesday night hunched behind a Dollar Tree, clutching a meth...
SPRINGFIELD, OR — A local woman was issued a citation for texting and driving Tuesday afternoon by a police officer who, according to witnesses, was simultaneously operating five separate electronic screens and finalizing a Taco Bell order with extra fire sauce. The...