Portland Leaders Float Plan To Convert ICE Building Into Airbnb With ‘Luxury Detention Suites’

by | Sep 29, 2025 | Humor, News, Satire

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PORTLAND, OR — City officials are floating a bold new proposal to convert Portland’s controversial Immigration and Customs Enforcement building into an Airbnb, touting it as a potential goldmine of “luxury detention suites” and ironic tourist appeal.

Under the plan, the original barbed wire would remain intact to “preserve character,” while holding cells would be marketed as “cozy minimalist suites.” Developers believe the property could quickly attract lifestyle influencers eager to pose in front of graffiti-covered concrete walls, sip craft lattes in the interrogation rooms, and snap photos under fluorescent lights described in the draft listing as “brutalist chic.”

“It’s giving vintage dystopia with a touch of Portland weird,” said one consultant, quoting a mock influencer review included in the city’s feasibility study. “The natural tear gas haze outside creates a dreamy filter you literally cannot get anywhere else.”

Proposed amenities include complimentary noise from nearby protests, authentic folding chairs salvaged from the break room, and an “open-concept communal space” that used to be a processing hall. Early sketches also suggest the former evidence locker could be repurposed as a speakeasy-style minibar stocked with kombucha on tap and locally distilled gin.

“This is a one-of-a-kind opportunity to blend Portland’s activist history with luxury confinement vibes,” said Councilmember Dana Lopez, who argued the conversion could also offset the city’s rising tear gas budget.

Critics question the legality of turning a federal detention center into short-term rentals, but city leaders remain optimistic. “Listen, it’s either this or another axe-throwing bar,” one official told reporters.

If approved, bookings could open as early as next summer — though many warn would-be visitors to reserve quickly, before the site inevitably gets converted into Portland’s 37th food hall.


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Written By Tyler James

Tyler James, founder of That Oregon Life, is a true Oregon native whose love for his state runs deep. Since the inception of the blog in 2013, his unbridled passion for outdoor adventures and the natural beauty of Oregon has been the cornerstone of his work. As a father to two beautiful children, Tyler is always in pursuit of new experiences to enrich his family’s life. He curates content that not only reflects his adventures but also encourages others to set out and create precious memories in the majestic landscapes of Oregon. Tyler's vision and guidance are integral to his role as publisher and editor, shaping the blog into a source of inspiration for exploring the wonders of Oregon.

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