CRATER LAKE, OR — In a bold move that has park rangers scratching their heads and several kayakers bobbing in approval, Oregon’s first floating marijuana dispensary officially opened this week on Crater Lake.
The aptly named “Lake and Bake Cannabis Co.” is a houseboat-turned-pot-shop that promises “premium buds with a panoramic view.” Customers can paddle, kayak, or swim up to the floating shop and purchase their favorite strains, edibles, and CBD bath bombs—all without ever touching dry land.
“We’re the ultimate destination for people who love weed and hate walking,” said co-owner River Moonbeam, 27, as she gently adjusted the solar panels powering the boat’s refrigerated gummy cabinet. “Crater Lake was formed by a volcanic eruption thousands of years ago. What better place to spark one up and contemplate existence?”
While business is booming, the National Park Service remains unsure how to handle the operation.
“Technically, it’s illegal to operate a business on federal waters without a permit,” said Ranger Carl Dennison, standing at the rim of the caldera and staring in disbelief at a group of shirtless paddleboarders holding pre-rolls. “But every time we try to approach, they just hotbox the whole boat and vanish into the mist like some sort of stoner Brigadoon.”
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Local residents have mixed reactions.
“I kayaked out there to get some Blueberry Haze, and next thing I knew I was staring into the water thinking about my childhood,” said Bend resident Jeremy Flett, 34. “Ten out of ten, would recommend.”
Others, however, are more cautious.
“Crater Lake is sacred,” said Janice Tibbets of the Crater Lake Preservation Society. “The last thing we need is a floating dispensary turning it into the world’s largest bong water.”
Undeterred by criticism, Moonbeam said the company plans to expand operations to other Oregon waterways.
“We’ve got plans for a weed canoe on the Willamette, a dab rig kayak on the Rogue, and maybe a full-on hash barge on the Columbia,” she said. “We’re not just changing cannabis delivery—we’re redefining maritime law.”
At press time, a group of park rangers had commandeered a rowboat and were slowly paddling toward Lake and Bake Cannabis Co. while chanting, “It’s not legal. It’s not legal. It’s… wait, do you smell that? Is that Pineapple Express?”
