PORTLAND, OR — Tension rippled through Powell’s City of Books on Tuesday after a smooth-skinned weirdo with no visible tattoos and—more disturbingly—no bumper stickers on his car was seen casually walking into the store.
Witnesses say the man, described by one employee as having “the unsettling neutrality of an Apple Store mannequin,” appeared to be in his early 30s and wore jeans not cuffed at the ankle and a plain sweatshirt that did not reference a band, a podcast, or late-stage capitalism.
“He just walked in. Walked in like the rest of us, like he had a right to be here,” said longtime Powell’s barista Cedar Loam, who locked eyes with the man for a full three seconds before backing into the Rare Books Room in fear. “No ink. No piercings. Not even a sticker on his water bottle. And then we saw the car. Completely bare. Not even a faded ‘Feel the Bern.’ It was chilling.”
The man reportedly wandered the aisles in silence, pausing occasionally to browse books without photographing them. At one point, he picked up The Body Keeps the Score and didn’t say anything about how it changed his life.
“He didn’t recommend Braiding Sweetgrass to a stranger. He didn’t even ask for the gender-neutral bathroom key. I didn’t even hear him sigh,” said one patron, visibly shaken.
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Security footage shows the man exiting 43 minutes later carrying only one book and a receipt. A bystander who held the door for him claims the man simply said “thanks” and walked off—never once mentioning astrology, a zine project, or his therapist.
Powell’s has since issued a statement reassuring the public that the store remains “a safe space for self-expression, self-diagnosis, and self-publishing,” and that tattooed staff will be trained to de-escalate any future encounters with visibly unmarked humans.
As of press time, the man has not been seen again, but the city remains on edge, with several Powell’s regulars reporting “a lingering beige energy” near the self-help section.
