WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference that left both geographers and Californians scratching their heads, President Donald Trump announced that his ambitious $175 billion “Golden Dome” missile defense system will encompass the entire United States — except for California.
“We’re going to have the most beautiful, impenetrable dome you’ve ever seen,” Trump declared. “It’ll protect every inch of America — except California. We’re going to let nature take its course there.”
When pressed for clarification, the President elaborated: “Look, California has made its choices. They want to ban plastic straws and let forest fires run wild. If they’re not interested in common-sense defense, why should we waste good gold on them?”
The Golden Dome, inspired by Israel’s Iron Dome, is designed to shield the nation from ballistic missiles, hypersonic weapons, and “bad vibes,” according to administration officials. The project will integrate ground-based interceptors and satellite technology, aiming to be completed before the end of Trump’s term .
However, the exclusion of California has raised eyebrows. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth attempted to downplay the decision, stating, “California has a unique climate and topography. The dome might not be compatible with their... environmental policies.”
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Californians reacted with a mix of confusion and sarcasm. Governor Gavin Newsom tweeted, “We’ll just build our own dome. Made of recycled materials and powered by solar energy. #GreenDome.”
Meanwhile, Elon Musk, whose companies are based in California, offered to construct a private dome over his properties, featuring “Tesla coils and flamethrowers for added protection.”
Despite the controversy, Trump remained steadfast. “If California wants protection, they can pay for it themselves. Maybe hold a bake sale or something. We’re focusing on real America.”
At press time, the President was seen reviewing plans for a “Platinum Dome” to cover Mar-a-Lago, citing the need for “extra special protection for extra special places.”
