FLORENCE, OR — A shocking new report released Sunday confirmed what visitors have long suspected: the Sea Lion Caves are, in fact, a little stinky today.
Tourists poured into the Oregon Coast landmark hoping for majestic views, unique wildlife encounters, and perhaps a light breeze of salty ocean air. Instead, they were met with a powerful wall of scent described by one visitor as “hot tuna breath trapped in a wet sock.”
“It’s like nature’s version of a fart in an elevator,” said Paul Jamison, visiting from Spokane. “I thought my wife was overreacting until I opened the car door and my eyebrows tried to leave my face.”
The Sea Lion Caves, the largest sea cave system in the country, is home to hundreds of massive Steller sea lions who spend their days yelling, napping, and marinating the interior in a miasma of fishy funk and raw mammalian intensity.
“It’s part of the magic,” said veteran tour guide Linda Rayburn, wearing a poncho and three layers of Vicks VapoRub. “People come for the sea lions, but they stay because they can’t find the exit through the tears.”
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While some guests tried to mask the odor with lavender hand sanitizer and weak optimism, others leaned into the misery.
“My toddler asked if something died,” said Andrea Lopez of Bend. “I told him yes—our sense of wonder.”
Despite the nasal assault, officials say attendance remains strong, especially on busy spring weekends like this one. When asked if the smell was always this bad, staff responded, “Oh no—it gets much worse in July.”
At press time, the sea lions were still in their usual spots: barking at tourists, ignoring personal hygiene, and refusing to apologize for living their best, stinkiest lives.
