SALEM, OR — In a glowing new report released this week, Oregon has proudly climbed to the #2 position in the nation’s highly competitive Most Expensive State To Be Broke rankings, closing the gap with longtime champion California.
“Oregon is showing real promise,” said lead economist Dana Bricksworth of the Institute for Economic Despair. “They’ve got the high rent, the housing shortages, the $9 kombucha, and even the smug artisan coffee scene. All the ingredients are there. They just need to keep pushing.”
The report praised Oregon’s meteoric rise over the past decade, citing impressive metrics such as:
- A median home price that now requires either a tech salary or six roommates.
- Rent prices that make recent college grads consider life in their parents’ tool shed.
- A booming tent market that realtors are now casually referring to as the “entry-level housing sector.”
“I used to laugh at California,” said one Portland resident while converting their Subaru into a studio apartment. “But now I realize we’re just a couple overpriced oat milk lattes away from catching up.”
Governor Tina Kotek celebrated the achievement, vowing to keep the pressure on California. “We’ve eliminated nearly all reasonably priced homes in Bend and priced the coast like it’s Malibu. But we’re not stopping there. We’re coming for that number one spot.”
Real estate developers are reportedly thrilled, announcing a bold new housing plan called “Tiny Home, Big Mortgage,” which includes an optional dirt patch and shared access to a composting toilet.
Meanwhile, first-time homebuyers in Oregon have been placed on the endangered species list.
California officials responded to the report with a brief statement: “Good luck, Oregon. You’ll never take Silicon Valley’s crown.”
