In a move no one saw coming—yet somehow makes complete sense in the most Oregon way possible—state officials have confirmed that Haystack Rock is being relocated to Central Oregon, where it will be placed right next to Smith Rock.
Cannon Beach residents, long accustomed to seeing the iconic monolith jutting out from the Pacific, are reportedly thrilled about the change. Not only has Haystack Rock been blocking their sunset views for centuries, but many locals hope its departure will finally cut down on the overwhelming number of tourists flocking to their quiet coastal town.
“It’s bittersweet,” said longtime Cannon Beach resident Mark Ellis. “Sure, the rock is part of our identity, but have you ever tried to get a coffee downtown on a Saturday? Maybe now we’ll get a little breathing room.”
Central Oregon Climbers Are Hyped
Meanwhile, over in Central Oregon, rock climbers and social media influencers are practically frothing at the mouth with excitement.
For years, Smith Rock has been the go-to destination for climbers, photographers, and aspiring influencers looking to post that one perfect sunset shot. But with every angle thoroughly documented, and every crag scaled to exhaustion, the arrival of Haystack Rock is being hailed as the biggest content refresh in years.
Do you love Oregon?
Sign up for monthly emails full of local travel inspiration and fun trip ideas. In each newsletter we'll share upcoming events, new things to do, hot dining spots and great travel ideas.
“Honestly, we needed this,” said Bend-based outdoor influencer Dakota Lynn, who has over 200,000 Instagram followers. “I’ve milked every possible Smith Rock backdrop. I even tried pretending I was at Horseshoe Bend once, but people called me out. This changes everything—Haystack Rock is going to crush the algorithm.”
A Bold New Chapter for Haystack Rock
Oregon Governor Tina Kotek, who gave the final approval for the move, addressed the state in a press conference, saying:
"Haystack Rock has been a beloved part of Oregon’s landscape for generations. But after much deliberation, we’ve decided it deserves a new home where it can continue to inspire adventurers and photographers alike. This move is about balance—giving Central Oregon something fresh, while providing Cannon Beach locals the peace they’ve been asking for. We’re confident this is the right choice for everyone. Plus, let’s be honest, it’s gonna look pretty dope next to Smith Rock.”
But What About the Puffins?
While climbers and Cannon Beach residents have expressed their opinions, one group of locals isn’t thrilled—the puffins who call Haystack Rock home.
“This is outrageous,” said Percival P. Puffin, a long-time resident of the rock, in an exclusive interview. “We’ve been nesting here for generations, and now some TikTok climbers want to take our home? Have you seen Smith Rock? There’s not a single decent place to burrow! We demand answers.”
Despite their concerns, no official relocation plan has been announced for the displaced puffins. Some have suggested offering them beachfront property elsewhere, but sources close to the matter report that the birds are considering legal action.
Who’s Paying for This?
As news of the move spreads, many Oregonians are asking the obvious question—who’s footing the bill for moving a 235-foot, 18,000-ton rock across the state?
State officials have been surprisingly vague on the funding details. Early reports suggest that a mix of state tourism funds, private donations, and an aggressive new tax on overpriced oat milk lattes may cover the costs. Others believe outdoor brands and influencers will be given the chance to sponsor the move, with Haystack Rock itself potentially featuring brand partnerships (“Haystack Rock x Patagonia” has a nice ring to it).
One anonymous state official hinted at a more creative funding strategy: “We’re considering a GoFundMe. People have crowdfunded worse things.”
A Helicopter, a Giant Rock, and a Wild Plan
As for how exactly a 235-foot-tall, 18,000-ton sea stack is making the journey across the Cascades? State officials have confirmed it will be airlifted in one single, ambitious helicopter operation.
“Yes, just one,” said Oregon’s Head of Geological Relocation, who appeared unfazed when questioned about the feasibility of this plan. “We crunched the numbers, and it’ll totally work.”
While some skeptics have raised concerns about the weight capacity of literally any helicopter in existence, officials insist that everything is under control. “We’ve got some extra-strength chains, and the pilot is really good,” one anonymous source added. “People just need to trust the process.”
Despite the doubts, one thing is undeniable—Haystack Rock is on the move, and Oregon’s Instagram feeds will never be the same.
Disclaimer: No, Oregon is not actually moving Haystack Rock. Yes, we wish we lived in a world where state officials approved massive, unnecessary rock relocations just to keep influencers entertained. Please do not panic, protest, or attempt to fact-check this with geologists. The rock remains exactly where nature put it—unfortunately for Cannon Beach locals still stuck with blocked sunsets.
