News

Welcome to our Oregon News category, where we bring you the latest and most relevant news stories from the beautiful state of Oregon. From the stunning Pacific coastline to the rugged Cascade Mountains, Oregon is home to a wealth of natural beauty, diverse communities, and exciting cultural events.

Extreme Centrist Portlander Avoids Detection After Perfecting Blank Stare During Political Rants

PORTLAND, OR — In a city where expressing even the slightest nuance can result in immediate social exile, local man Brian Callahan has reportedly survived another week in Portland without being outed as a moderate — thanks to a carefully rehearsed “blank, vaguely empathetic stare” he now deploys...

Americans Discover WNBA Still Exists While Pretending They’ve Always Cared About WNBA

In a truly heartwarming display of performative activism, Americans everywhere have suddenly discovered the WNBA is still a thing—and are now passionately pretending they’ve supported it this whole time. The newfound enthusiasm comes not from interest in basketball fundamentals, impressive stat...

Florence Erects Statue of Exploding Whale, Immediately Blows It Up for Historical Accuracy

Florence, Oregon – In a heartwarming tribute to Oregon’s most explosive historical moment, the city of Florence unveiled a life-sized statue of the infamous exploding whale on Tuesday—then promptly reduced it to flaming chunks with 20 cases of surplus dynamite. City officials say the decision to...

Oregon Officials Propose Setting Fire to Money Directly

SALEM, OR — In a bold new plan, Oregon leaders say they have finally figured out how to fix all the state’s biggest problems: by taking a big pile of your tax money… and setting it on fire. Yes, seriously. Governor Tina Kotek recently announced another big idea to stop wildfires in Oregon. The...

Texas Bans THC, Instructs Citizens to “Just Get Drunk Like God Intended”

AUSTIN, TX — In a bold return to the golden age of moral panic and liver damage, the Texas House passed Senate Bill 3 late Wednesday night, banning all intoxicating THC products while reaffirming the state’s unwavering belief that the only righteous way to unwind is with state-sanctioned poison....
Runaway Cow Keeps Oregon State Police Busy on I-84

Runaway Cow Keeps Oregon State Police Busy on I-84

Talk about starting the New Year with a bang—or should we say a moo? On January 1, the Oregon State Police were called to handle an utterly udderly bizarre situation: a rogue cow hoofing it down Interstate 84 near Hood River. This wasn’t your average backyard escapee....

Trestle Collapse in Corvallis Derails Train Into Marys River

Trestle Collapse in Corvallis Derails Train Into Marys River

A train trestle over the Marys River in Corvallis collapsed on Saturday afternoon, sending one train car carrying agricultural materials into the river and leaving two other cars unstable. The incident, which occurred at approximately 12:08 p.m., involved a 19-car...

Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport to Undergo Renovations in 2025

Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport to Undergo Renovations in 2025

Nestled on a picturesque bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon, has long been a cherished retreat for book lovers and travelers alike. Renowned for its literary charm, the hotel is now embarking on a new chapter. On Sunday,...

Homeowner Fatally Shoots Intruder Breaking In Day After Christmas

Homeowner Fatally Shoots Intruder Breaking In Day After Christmas

On the evening of December 26, 2024, in Manatee County, Florida, a homeowner demonstrated the importance of being prepared to defend one’s home and loved ones. Two intruders forced their way into the home, but one of them would not leave alive. The incident...

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