Not Satire

Not Satire: After Legalizing Meth and Recriminalizing It, Portland Has Now Banned Gas-Powered Leaf Blowers

Not satire. Just Oregon. As 2026 kicks off, Oregon rolled out 282 new state laws covering everything from health care and consumer protections to deepfakes and marriage age reforms. Some of them actually make sense. Medical debt can’t hit your credit report. Workers get clearer pay stubs. Ticket...

Area Man Behind on Rent Says He’s ‘Treating Himself’ While Shopping at Tiny Overpriced Hippie Grocery Store

EUGENE, OR — Despite being nearly three weeks behind on rent and actively refusing to open his banking app, local man Aaron L., 34, confirmed Tuesday that stopping by a tiny, overpriced hippie grocery store was “exactly what he needed right now.” “I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately,” said...

Apparently Portland Has Decided Its Christmas Tree Is No Longer a Christmas Tree

Portland’s long-running holiday tradition took on a noticeably different tone this year after city officials avoided using the phrase “Christmas tree” during the 41st annual lighting ceremony at Pioneer Courthouse Square, referring to it only as “the tree.” The shift—reflected in the event’s...

You Can’t Make This Up: Dozens of Oregon Students Ate Pretzels Contaminated With Oven Cleaner

You really can’t make this stuff up. In a headline that's now making national news, about 50 students at Fowler Middle School in Tigard got more than they bargained for during lunch this week — when the “salt” on their pretzels turned out to be granulated oven cleaner. According to the...

FBI Says Four Men Arrested in Portland for Shining Laser at Border Patrol Helicopter Are Illegal Aliens

PORTLAND, Ore. — A routine night patrol over Portland skies turned dangerous last weekend when a U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) helicopter was struck by a laser beam, temporarily threatening the safety of the pilot and crew. Federal officials say the laser originated from a Portland...
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