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PORTLAND, OR — Recently there was a scare in the tweaker communities of Oregon, as experts have reported there were dangerous levels of gluten found in methamphetamine on the streets of Portland. Gluten is a protein composite normally found in several types of grains, including wheat, spelt, rye, and barley – which can be highly dangerous when added to meth.

Health experts have confirmed today that meth in Oregon is now without a doubt 100% gluten free, ensuring a more earth friendly and much cleaner form of crystal, as well as a brighter future for gluten free meth heads, vegans, and children who love meth.

Action on Gluten is proud to announce they had a huge hand in successfully curbing the gluten meth epidemic, an organization which helps meth users avoid “hidden gluten”, and to get drug dealers to offer a much safer gluten free meth for the tweaker communities of Oregon.

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Action on Gluten spokesperson Simon Krueger explained, “Gluten is not only dangerous, but also highly addictive. When added to meth, an otherwise fairly safe drug, the consequences can be deadly.”

“As a result unsuspecting users have been sniffing meth, not even realizing they are actually also sniffing gluten.”

“We are just overjoyed right now with the fact that tweakers no longer have to worry about ingesting gluten when smoking and/or sniffing meth. Our mission has been accomplished!”

Meth laced with deadly gluten

According to one study, over 80% of people didn’t even know they were sniffing gluten meth. Tweakers in Oregon have reacted with shock at the gluten revelations, and are just happy their chunky white crunch is no longer laced with gluten, and is available in a much more pure form.

We’d like to say they will be sleeping better tonight knowing their meth is no longer tainted with gluten, although we can’t count on those tweakers sleeping at all.

Tweaker Arnold Warren told That Oregon Life recently, “I’ve lost so much weight recently, and all my teeth are falling out. I was really concerned as to what the f*** was happening to me, but now this explains it.”

Warren also shared with That Oregon Life he plans to live a more healthy lifestyle, and his new year resolution for 2016 includes being a gluten free tweaker.